To the parents of crappy kids

Being a parent is challenging. Sometimes your kids are crappy – probably figuratively, and depending on their age, maybe also literally. Blakely’s new favorite activity is putting our stuff in the toilet, and attempting to flush it. The toddler meltdowns are happening more and more often. But that's nothing compared to the fact that there’s a chance in the future that she might get pregnant outside a committed relationship or get arrested or steal from us. Even if we try to rock out being a parent. Even if we try to lead her in the ways of God.

But I haven’t been a parent for long enough to be any kind of authority on parenting, or the good, bad, sometimes crappy nature of kids, especially the crappiness of older kids or even grown kids. I don’t have that experience or authority. I’m writing this blog, instead, with the authority of a former crappy kid.

Yeah, you read that right. I was a pretty crappy kid. Yeah, I was a good student and involved in school… But…

• I was also suicidal at multiple points in high school, and briefly hospitalized in a mental institution. 
• I was influenced by peer pressure and did multiple things that could have gotten me arrested… like… real arrested. 
• I had a pregnancy scare in high school only months into my first serious relationship. 

Did you know that? Here’s where my message actually begins.

My guess is, you didn’t know that. But even more likely than that, my guess is, that if you DID know that, you didn’t find that out from my parents. My parents LOVED me as a crappy kid. My parents DISCIPLINED me as a crappy kid. My parents SUPPORTED me as a crappy kid. My parents PRAYED for me as a crappy kid.

My parents didn’t passively aggressively address my crappiness on Facebook. They didn’t ask for prayers for me, really just wanting an outlet to complain about how difficult it was to have me as a kid. They didn’t confuse the fact that the pain they were caused by me was absolutely secondary to my own pain.

...said no one ever.

I’m tired of seeing parents shaming their children on Facebook, either directly or indirectly. Do they deserve it? Sure, probably. They are probably being grade A crappy. Like “me” level crappy. But say it with me. I. AM. THE. PARENT. If my parents treated me the way I deserved to be treated, today I would be dead, or struggling with constant shame and insecurity, or still on the path of crappiness well into adulthood, because I would know that what my parents expected from me.

Publicly and privately supporting your kid, crappy or not, will be what helps them through and ultimately motivates change.

This has been your public service announcement from a former crappy kid, who with her parents' support and discretion, is doing quite well now.