Sunday, March 18, 2012
I wasn't always a Mean Girl, and I definitely wasn't raised to be a Mean Girl. Fifth grade was kind of the worst year of my life. I had always been a part of a group of friends, who as the structure of friendships shifted into a hierarchy, found themselves as the popular girls. I don't know how or why or even when this shift usually happens, but it always does in school. You go from "we're all friends" to a tiered-level mini-society within a couple years. Well, I really wasn't prepared for what it meant to be a popular girl. I swear my friends all picked up on the mean thing really quick. And when I tried to stick up for the underdog, their targets pointed back at me. It was a miserable year. Especially at Christmas when one "friend" handed out gifts to our entire group of friends... EXCEPT me. Like, in an elaborate show. "HERE's a present for so-and-so... and HERE's a present for so-and-so..." Until I was the only one left. Without a gift. During that year, another not-so-nice friend began to grow in my spirit--Insecurity.
It doesn't take a lot of that for someone to break. And I broke hard the next year in junior high. And Insecurity's twin sister Mean Girl moved into my spirit, as well. I know that everyone says their school had cliques (because they do), but our class was NOTORIOUS. I know this, because when my sister came through a few years later, teachers were still talking about how awful we were to each other. Seriously. And in junior high, there weren't even cliques... you were popular, or you weren't. Last Wednesday Nate shared a story (I let him) about just how mean I really was.
In 7th grade, we had a cafeteria with those pull down lunch tables that seat ten to a side. Because our class was kind of crazy, the lunch monitors actually had to check and enforce the 10-to-a-side rule. For the most part, it worked out perfectly. We groomed the in-crowd to exactly 20 girls to sit at our table.
And then... it happened. Two or three girls who were very much NOT a part of our "friend group" sat at our table. Why... why would they do this? They either wanted to be friends with us... or they wanted to shake things up. But either way, we weren't having it.
As I looked at them at the end of the table, Insecurity spoke to me, "What if your friends DON'T make them move? What if they'd rather have you move?"... Then Mean Girl piped in. "You have to make them leave."
I quickly grabbed a piece of paper and pen out of my purse, making a bit of a spectacle. My friends looked at me and I said, "Don't worry... I'll make sure they won't sit here again."
The note I wrote was pretty simple. I remember that, but I don't remember the exact words. Basically, we don't want you to sit with us. The signature was the worst part though... I signed it... with a flourish...
The Popular Girlz
Yup. I did that. Even the "z"... Becauses "s" is too lame and mainstream. Some people are probably a bit shocked, and some people are probably thinking that at least my Mean Girl has mellowed a LITTLE.
This is only one of a nearly infinite number of Mean Girl stories I have. And honestly, a lot of them are at least a little bit funny... a little bit. But as I heard Nate tell that story last Wednesday night, all of a sudden, it wasn't even a little bit funny. I looked around as he told it. I looked at the girls in the youth group and thought, "What if I had written that note to them?" And then I watched the faces turn from furrowed brows as Nate told the story to looks of shock and horror when Nate explained the signature.
So this is my hope for you. That tonight, you'll pray for the Mean Girl. That girl who made high school hell for you. That girl who turned you down publicly for a dance. Because not all Mean Girls repent, and not all Mean Girls end up with a nice guy and faith in a forgiving God like me. In fact, lots of Mean Girls raise more mean girls. I think a lot of my classmates moms loved the drama more than they did. But I can tell you what the mean girls DO all have in common - those evil sisters in their spirit that go everywhere together - Insecurity and Mean Girl. And they're hard to kill off.
Tuesday, March 6, 2012
Aw, this blogger is anti-fat/ugly AND anti-men. I'm pretty sure this is just a set-up for number nine.
Um, beer or any other type of alcohol, from a bottle, a shot glass, or in true college fashion, a solo cup can have the above effects if you aren't responsible. Find friends who are fun without drinking. The friends who need alcohol to party start to look way sad on the backside of college. Don't be afraid to go to a big campus party or four or five, sober. The party won't be any fun, you'll end up taking care of people, but you will definitely have clearer memories of all of the stupid stuff other people did... and maybe some pictures. Some people call that blackmail, but I call it leverage.
If you're in high school, just don't drink. It's illegal, and ya, you know, you're kind of right that everyone's doing it. At least the in-crowd. But here's a fun secret... The "in-crowd" will still be drinking and throwing parties in their parents' basement for years to come. The numbers will dwindle, and the level of pathetic will rise. Get out now. Don't be the girl at 47 whose in the prom queen's parents basement, reliving the pep rally from Junior year.