If you would have asked me even three years ago if I thought I'd ever be a pastor's wife, I would have said no. Actually, "pastor's wife" was in the top ten things I never thought I'd be, scattered somewhere between drug dealer and Olympic pole vaulter.
And I guess in a small way, it's kind of my own fault. Not long after Nate and I got married, over two years ago, as we were attending a couples' small group, I began to feel like he was going to be a pastor. Or should be a pastor. Or something. At the time, he was working at Affina (a call center). He had reluctantly agreed to go to the small group with me because it was out in South Pekin and then we had to leave early for him to make it work (third shift). One night in the car, I finally said, "Nate, I feel like... maybe God wants you to be a pastor." And then I sat silently, hoping he'd disagree. And he did.
I know that probably seems weird. Like usually if I tell Nate something, I want him to agree. But if you've ever been close enough to God that you can feel your calling, but far enough away that you hope it backfires in your favor... well that's where I was at.
I didn't bring it up again until the early part of 2012. Between those two events Nate had started volunteering more, strengthening his relationship with God, and becoming more involved in church. Every time I prayed for Nate, I feel God saying, "Support him." I had no idea what that even meant. In January 2012, we committed to be a part of Innovate and when we met with Shawn and Holly one-on-one, I just started babbling. That's not typical at all for me, but when they asked us about joining the church, I just started talking about how I thought Nate was being called to ministry. I don't know if he even talked because I just started rambling.
I'll be honest, I don't know if Nate fully agreed that he was called to ministry at that point, but he went along. The first time he tried to explain his calling to ministry, I listened in mild horror to a slightly jumbled stream of consciousness that sounded like a book review of a book he never read. Praise Jesus for Connie Borth who could see Nate's heart and calling through it all. She (along with others) confirmed his calling to ministry.
As the prospect of Nate becoming a pastor became more and more real, I'll be honest, I started to panic. I was all about him becoming a pastor! I knew that was what God had for him... but that made me... a pastor's wife.
Here's three things about me (in a vast array of others) that I feel should probably have precluded me from that role:
1. I have road rage. Bad road rage. I'm considering buying mittens to wear while driving, so I'm not able to flip people off when they drive like idiots. I will wear them inside McLean county, as Nate has told me that area is off-limits for road rage, in case I'm road raging against someone who goes to our church, or might go to our church if the worship pastor's wife doesn't run them off the road first.
2. I'm not domestic. I hate cooking, cleaning, anything related to crafting... I even hate Pinterest. Actually, I especially hate Pinterest. Reading from left to right, it's like "Exercises for achieving the best booty," "BEST CHOCOLATE CAKE EVER," and "How to make flower headbands." It's confusing and it seems to expect a lot more out of me than Facebook does.
3. I recently told someone that my husband was studying ministry and becoming a pastor and they said, "Oh! What kind of church?" Except it wasn't like they were asking what denomination. It was more like they were confused by what kind of church would let me be the pastor's wife...
But God has some crazy plans. If you've had God in your life very long, you already know that. And yesterday at District Assembly as I sat there wearing pantyhose (that could be a whole other blog entry), I wasn't sitting there as a pastor's wife. I was sitting there as NATE's wife. The person who will (and has) run errands at crazy hours to find worship stuff, the person who always has his back in life, the person who talks through struggles with him, the person who first asked him about his call to ministry, and the person that God created uniquely to be with him and support his calling.
I believe beyond a shadow of a doubt that Nate is going to do amazing things for God. He already has! And I am excited to be there, every mile of the journey, holding his hand... and flipping off anyone who gets in the way.