Blakely Grace Morrison entered the world at 3:50 pm on September 20. When they put her on my chest... the moment that I had dreamed and fantasized about for nine months (and really, even before that)... I panicked. I'm sorry, I probably shouldn't even admit that. I should say that it was love at first sight and I cried delicate tears of joy (that's what my husband did), but that's not what happened. They put her on me, and she was like a perfect, tiny little stranger laying there... a tiny little stranger whose college will easily cost me six figures in 18 years. But while I don't know if I could call that moment love at first sight, I did feel an incredibly strong urge and dedication to care for her in the very best way possible. When Nate asked if he should stay with me or follow Blakely to the nursery, I urged him to follow Blakely and not let her out of his sight.
Over the past two weeks, my love for her has grown every single day, and my days have been full of on-the-job training. The first night we were home from the hospital, she woke up every 15 mins. Literally. And if SHE didn't wake up, my husband would jolt up with this crazy Vietnam flashback PTSD-type reaction to imagined crying. Within a few days, we had given up on the recommended bassinet, opting to let her sleep in her little glider, and Nate could swaddle her so tight that Houdini couldn't get out of that receiving blanket. I've done some bizarre things, and most of my daily tasks, while using my electric breast pump - chatted on Facebook, eaten a grilled cheese sandwich, talked on the phone... And I've been topless in several places that I would never have imagined myself topless, outside of a couple of weird pregnancy dreams (What? You know you had them too if you've been pregnant), including church and the back of our car. I've had every type of bodily fluid on me, probably at the same time, and been strangely okay with it. I've already moved from the differentiation between burp rags, washcloths, clothes, blankets, and wipes to "does this wipe stuff off?" If yes, proceed. I went from being certain that I wouldn't leave the house with Blakely until her first round of vaccinations at two months, to taking her to church at three days old. That, folks, is called on-the-job training.
Even though I read books, watched videos, and took Lamaze class... nothing can really prepare you for the experience of parenthood. I'm just starting... but I already love the on-the-job training. :-)
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