Three Reasons I Don't Want to Hear Your Salvation Story

Sorry if my title offended you...But look, here you are, still reading.  Even if you are offended, you are apparently also intrigued.  See?  You're caught.  Anyway, here are three reasons I don't want to hear about your coming to Jesus.

1.)  I don't have a good one.
2.)  They don't call us fishers of men for nothing.
3.)  I'd rather hear about your trip than putting your key in the ignition.

I'll just go ahead and address these in order, beginning with the fact that I don't have a good salvation story.  I'd say my salvation is upward trending.  So like, if I made a chart of the strength of my relationship with God, time and strength would be positively correlated...It's always getting better...but it's definitely not a straight line.  It's a line with many dips, dives and detours.

When I was little, I accepted Jesus into my heart as my savior with my parents help and guidance.  My children's story Bible was by far my favorite book...Good strong start.

In fourth grade, I had my first church experience.  I was invited to church with my friend from school, and I was really excited.  I actually went to church a lot with her for the next couple years.  I went to Sunday service, Sunday school and Wednesday night PRIME TIME, haha.  I was a regular Bible thumper!  Here's the thing though...I felt like they weren't talking about MY God.  My friend's church was ultra legalistic and...well, I don't think a lot of the kids were very engaged.  Several examples stand out to me.  One night at Prime Time, one of the students raised their hand and said, "Will my dog be in heaven to greet me when I die?"  Our stellar Christian leader...a middle aged man...said, "No, animals don't have souls, so they don't go to heaven."  Cue terrified wailing from all the fourth graders and a silent agreement to boycott the Pearly Gates.  I also remember our version of small group where we talked about school and such.  Several of our kids went to school together, so we brought up the fat bully in our class and how he made recess a nightmare.  "You're going to need to lift him up to God," the same teacher said.  In one of my wittiest moments to date, I replied, "We're gonna need more people!"  When he realized that I was making a fat joke and not calling for an outreach, I had to go sit in the corner.  I also had to take a Sunday School test on Noah that included a multiple choice question about how many windows were on the ark.  My God might have been there, but I couldn't feel him.

For a long time after that, God and I really flat-lined.  There were a few blips...and I really never doubted he was there...I just preferred the Christian Atheist lifestyle.  And there were just a lot of times when I was angry with God because I wanted him to be there more (whatever that means). When I was 16 or 17, God and I really started picking up momentum again...but there weren't any fireworks or anything.  When my mom started going to Bridgeway, she would beg me every week to come.  She'd try different tactics to get me to go, but none of them ever worked.  I had been to Church, and God wasn't there...Not for me at least.  Do you know when I started going?  When she stopped asking.  Well, that's only partly true.  I started going when she stopped asking me to go and started asking God for me to go.  She prayed, I went.  I didn't know she was praying...I thought maybe she had Jedi mind powers.  So ya, there's the worst salvation story ever - mine.

 I'm honestly really jealous of people who have great salvation stories, but I think I'm not alone in having a lame one.  At least I hope I'm not alone.  But I know that sometimes it seems like everyone has an epic "moment" and I don't.  Which brings us to reason two:

They don't call us fishers of men for nothing!  When you think of epic, well-meaning, partially fabricated but overall for a good cause stories, what do you think of?  I think of fishermen.  Not like legit fishermen, but the weekend warriors who are constantly telling fishing stories.  Fishermen don't stretch the truth to hurt anyone...they just want to share their "good news."  Sound familiar?

And fishermen are like Christians in another way, in my experience.  One fisherman (or one Christian) is usually more harmless than a group of them.

If fisherman A's fish was this big, fisherman B's fish was THIIIS big and he caught it without bait.

If Christian A felt God's presence speak within them, Christian B audibly heard God speaking.  Maybe he saw God too or physically felt his touch.  And they hung out for a while and played a game of billiards.  And then Christian B prayed a prayer of forgiveness and his hair caught on fire and now it doesn't get so frizzy when it's humid out.

Of course I'm joking, but I think Christians put a lot of pressure into salvation stories.  It's the "wedding day" of your relationship with God, if you will.  It's a ceremonial marker, but it doesn't define the relationship.  It just really doesn't.  I Googled "Christian Salvation stories" to assure myself that I wasn't the only one with a lackluster story.  Unfortunately, apparently I am.  The Christianity page on about.com (that seems reputable, right?) has several salvation stories from Christians that seem unreal.  Not unreal in the sense of awe-inspiring...Unreal in the sense that they aren't real.  I shouldn't say that...I firmly believe that God connects with different people in different ways, so I won't doubt their stories.  I just wonder how God picks who gets the miraculous recovery from a headshot salvation stories versus who gets stories like mine.

On to reason three: I'd rather hear about your trip than putting your key in the ignition. If I found out that you had road-tripped to California and asked you about it, you probably wouldn't spend 10 minutes discussing the preparation for the trip and getting in the car and then say, "And then we were in California!" But that's what a lot of people do with their salvation stories. "Then I found God... and here I am today!"

If you're a meth addict and pray a prayer of salvation OF COURSE the salvation is instant, but it's not like God straps a sweater vest on you and teleports you to the nearest PTA meeting. A deep faith relationship takes work. It's a journey, not a destination... Especially not an instant destination.

So there's why I don't want to hear your salvation story. I always love hearing about about people's faith journeys, but much less into the holy "Goodness, Grace, and Great Balls of Fire" salvation stories (See what I did there?). You don't want the best day of your marriage to be your wedding day, and you don't want your best day of your faith to be your salvation day. It's okay to reminisce, but keep pushing forward. Growth is the name of the game!