So, I had never thought about it too much, but the other day, I was thinking about the fact that my parents raised me in a sort of perfectly just utopia. I was thinking about this because of my parents paying off the last portion of our car loan and writing a receipt that says, "For financial integrity and responsibility." That's pure awesome. Honestly, if it would have been a post-it note on a Ding-Dong that said "For financial integrity and responsibility," I would have been overjoyed as well. From my very first memories to today, my parents were incredibly fair, consistent, giving, and systematic.
In my opinion, as a parent, you kind of have two options: prepare your kids for how life should be OR prepare your kids for how life is. We've all seen the parents who prepare kids for how life is. The mom who puts the toy back on the shelf and says, "We don't have any money right now," and when the kid starts to get upset says, "Well I don't know what to tell you. Life's not fair." Or the Dad in line to check out at the grocery store who gets his kid to shut up by throwing a candy bar on the conveyor belt. It's bad behavior, but as adults, when we whine enough, we can usually get a candy bar (or something analogous in our adult situation).
Kids who are raised being prepared for how life is are... well, just that. Prepared to live within a broken society's broken standards. The good news is, they'll be just fine when they start school. They'll be used to life being unfair. Heck, they'll be the kid making sure it's unfair for everyone. Their hearts won't be broken every five minutes and they'll be tough enough for this life.
My parents chose the "Road Less Parented" though. They raised my sister and me in a Justice Utopia. It wasn't like we got everything we wanted and were totally happy all of the time. BUT we were learning how to live life how it SHOULD BE. There were expectations. Oh... so many expectations. By two and four, MacKenzie and I were better behaved and more accountable than most adults. Sometimes when I check out at the grocery store, I still get excited neck prickles when I see candy I want. When we were kids, we were never allowed to ask for candy, toys, etc. or it was just known that we wouldn't get any. I'm not even talking fit throwing. I'm saying that we weren't allowed to say, "Oh father dearest, may I please have a candy bar?" Except when the neck prickles got the best of me. I'd hold my breath to keep them at bay, but when they took over I'd gasp, "Caaaandy bar?" Dad would just frown softly and shake his head no. But oh the glorious days when I could keep the neck prickles at bay, and Dad would look into eyes and smile and say, "Would you like a piece of candy?" Oh what a glorious day. That's how life should work.
But it doesn't.
I remember some of my first glimpses on the other side of Justice Utopia. One of my first memories outside Justice Utopia was an McLaughlin Farm Park summer camp. And that particular year... when I was about four... they had... wait for it... BABY KITTENS! And my summer camp class got to hold them and pet them! Except, all of the little a-holes in my summer camp class pushed ahead of me, grabbing the kittens, and cutting in line. My first reaction was for my eyes to tear up a bit, but then I said NO. I knew how I would react to this. So I stepped back, and let the other kids play with them. Surely I would be handsomely rewarded for my kindness and patience. After a few minutes the counselor said, "Ok, I'm putting the kittens away."
Whoa, what?
I marched up to her to file my grievance. "Um, hi," I said. "There has been a mistake. The other kids pushed me out of the way, and I never got to pet or hold the kittens."
This is the point where my parents would have said, "Good job waiting your turn, Ali" and I would have gotten some awesome one-on-one baby kitten time that trumped anytime the greedy kids got. But do you know what that camp counselor said?
"Sorry. Maybe you should pushed to the front too."
What? That STILL ticks me off when I think about it. But that's life, right? The trouble with raising kids to live life how it SHOULD BE is that when they go into the real world (I'm talking Kindergarten, not the work force), their worlds will crumble a little. You'll have to give them talks entitled:
"Why not EVERYONE wants to hear you sing 'Meet in the Middle' by Diamond Rio."
"Why the kid on the bus stole your glove."
"Why Brittney Schoen won't share her colored pencils and pointed out that she has exactly four more lines in the 2nd grade play than you do."
Or, in my poor sister MacKenzie's case (she wanted to cling to Justice Utopia even more than me):
"Why you can't choke kids in your kindergarten class when they give you insincere apologies."
But when you raise kids in Justice Utopia, they want to propagate it. They want to reward hard work, root for the underdog, and defeat the bad guys. This world will make them cynical, but they'll always fight just a little bit harder than the rest of the world to spread the joy of Justice Utopia just a bit farther.
In honor of my parents, I'll always fight for Justice Utopia. I know that neck prickles, whether for a grocery check-out candy bar or an overpriced purse or electronic item are never worth giving into, and that God is smiling down at my self-control and he will offer me something even better. Because God parents to how life SHOULD BE too.
Sunday, January 29, 2012
Monday, January 2, 2012
Three Reasons I Don't Want to Hear Your Salvation Story
Sorry if my title offended you...But look, here you are, still reading. Even if you are offended, you are apparently also intrigued. See? You're caught. Anyway, here are three reasons I don't want to hear about your coming to Jesus.
1.) I don't have a good one.
2.) They don't call us fishers of men for nothing.
3.) I'd rather hear about your trip than putting your key in the ignition.
I'll just go ahead and address these in order, beginning with the fact that I don't have a good salvation story. I'd say my salvation is upward trending. So like, if I made a chart of the strength of my relationship with God, time and strength would be positively correlated...It's always getting better...but it's definitely not a straight line. It's a line with many dips, dives and detours.
When I was little, I accepted Jesus into my heart as my savior with my parents help and guidance. My children's story Bible was by far my favorite book...Good strong start.
In fourth grade, I had my first church experience. I was invited to church with my friend from school, and I was really excited. I actually went to church a lot with her for the next couple years. I went to Sunday service, Sunday school and Wednesday night PRIME TIME, haha. I was a regular Bible thumper! Here's the thing though...I felt like they weren't talking about MY God. My friend's church was ultra legalistic and...well, I don't think a lot of the kids were very engaged. Several examples stand out to me. One night at Prime Time, one of the students raised their hand and said, "Will my dog be in heaven to greet me when I die?" Our stellar Christian leader...a middle aged man...said, "No, animals don't have souls, so they don't go to heaven." Cue terrified wailing from all the fourth graders and a silent agreement to boycott the Pearly Gates. I also remember our version of small group where we talked about school and such. Several of our kids went to school together, so we brought up the fat bully in our class and how he made recess a nightmare. "You're going to need to lift him up to God," the same teacher said. In one of my wittiest moments to date, I replied, "We're gonna need more people!" When he realized that I was making a fat joke and not calling for an outreach, I had to go sit in the corner. I also had to take a Sunday School test on Noah that included a multiple choice question about how many windows were on the ark. My God might have been there, but I couldn't feel him.
For a long time after that, God and I really flat-lined. There were a few blips...and I really never doubted he was there...I just preferred the Christian Atheist lifestyle. And there were just a lot of times when I was angry with God because I wanted him to be there more (whatever that means). When I was 16 or 17, God and I really started picking up momentum again...but there weren't any fireworks or anything. When my mom started going to Bridgeway, she would beg me every week to come. She'd try different tactics to get me to go, but none of them ever worked. I had been to Church, and God wasn't there...Not for me at least. Do you know when I started going? When she stopped asking. Well, that's only partly true. I started going when she stopped asking me to go and started asking God for me to go. She prayed, I went. I didn't know she was praying...I thought maybe she had Jedi mind powers. So ya, there's the worst salvation story ever - mine.
I'm honestly really jealous of people who have great salvation stories, but I think I'm not alone in having a lame one. At least I hope I'm not alone. But I know that sometimes it seems like everyone has an epic "moment" and I don't. Which brings us to reason two:
They don't call us fishers of men for nothing! When you think of epic, well-meaning, partially fabricated but overall for a good cause stories, what do you think of? I think of fishermen. Not like legit fishermen, but the weekend warriors who are constantly telling fishing stories. Fishermen don't stretch the truth to hurt anyone...they just want to share their "good news." Sound familiar?
And fishermen are like Christians in another way, in my experience. One fisherman (or one Christian) is usually more harmless than a group of them.
If fisherman A's fish was this big, fisherman B's fish was THIIIS big and he caught it without bait.
If Christian A felt God's presence speak within them, Christian B audibly heard God speaking. Maybe he saw God too or physically felt his touch. And they hung out for a while and played a game of billiards. And then Christian B prayed a prayer of forgiveness and his hair caught on fire and now it doesn't get so frizzy when it's humid out.
Of course I'm joking, but I think Christians put a lot of pressure into salvation stories. It's the "wedding day" of your relationship with God, if you will. It's a ceremonial marker, but it doesn't define the relationship. It just really doesn't. I Googled "Christian Salvation stories" to assure myself that I wasn't the only one with a lackluster story. Unfortunately, apparently I am. The Christianity page on about.com (that seems reputable, right?) has several salvation stories from Christians that seem unreal. Not unreal in the sense of awe-inspiring...Unreal in the sense that they aren't real. I shouldn't say that...I firmly believe that God connects with different people in different ways, so I won't doubt their stories. I just wonder how God picks who gets the miraculous recovery from a headshot salvation stories versus who gets stories like mine.
On to reason three: I'd rather hear about your trip than putting your key in the ignition. If I found out that you had road-tripped to California and asked you about it, you probably wouldn't spend 10 minutes discussing the preparation for the trip and getting in the car and then say, "And then we were in California!" But that's what a lot of people do with their salvation stories. "Then I found God... and here I am today!"
If you're a meth addict and pray a prayer of salvation OF COURSE the salvation is instant, but it's not like God straps a sweater vest on you and teleports you to the nearest PTA meeting. A deep faith relationship takes work. It's a journey, not a destination... Especially not an instant destination.
So there's why I don't want to hear your salvation story. I always love hearing about about people's faith journeys, but much less into the holy "Goodness, Grace, and Great Balls of Fire" salvation stories (See what I did there?). You don't want the best day of your marriage to be your wedding day, and you don't want your best day of your faith to be your salvation day. It's okay to reminisce, but keep pushing forward. Growth is the name of the game!
1.) I don't have a good one.
2.) They don't call us fishers of men for nothing.
3.) I'd rather hear about your trip than putting your key in the ignition.
I'll just go ahead and address these in order, beginning with the fact that I don't have a good salvation story. I'd say my salvation is upward trending. So like, if I made a chart of the strength of my relationship with God, time and strength would be positively correlated...It's always getting better...but it's definitely not a straight line. It's a line with many dips, dives and detours.
When I was little, I accepted Jesus into my heart as my savior with my parents help and guidance. My children's story Bible was by far my favorite book...Good strong start.
In fourth grade, I had my first church experience. I was invited to church with my friend from school, and I was really excited. I actually went to church a lot with her for the next couple years. I went to Sunday service, Sunday school and Wednesday night PRIME TIME, haha. I was a regular Bible thumper! Here's the thing though...I felt like they weren't talking about MY God. My friend's church was ultra legalistic and...well, I don't think a lot of the kids were very engaged. Several examples stand out to me. One night at Prime Time, one of the students raised their hand and said, "Will my dog be in heaven to greet me when I die?" Our stellar Christian leader...a middle aged man...said, "No, animals don't have souls, so they don't go to heaven." Cue terrified wailing from all the fourth graders and a silent agreement to boycott the Pearly Gates. I also remember our version of small group where we talked about school and such. Several of our kids went to school together, so we brought up the fat bully in our class and how he made recess a nightmare. "You're going to need to lift him up to God," the same teacher said. In one of my wittiest moments to date, I replied, "We're gonna need more people!" When he realized that I was making a fat joke and not calling for an outreach, I had to go sit in the corner. I also had to take a Sunday School test on Noah that included a multiple choice question about how many windows were on the ark. My God might have been there, but I couldn't feel him.
For a long time after that, God and I really flat-lined. There were a few blips...and I really never doubted he was there...I just preferred the Christian Atheist lifestyle. And there were just a lot of times when I was angry with God because I wanted him to be there more (whatever that means). When I was 16 or 17, God and I really started picking up momentum again...but there weren't any fireworks or anything. When my mom started going to Bridgeway, she would beg me every week to come. She'd try different tactics to get me to go, but none of them ever worked. I had been to Church, and God wasn't there...Not for me at least. Do you know when I started going? When she stopped asking. Well, that's only partly true. I started going when she stopped asking me to go and started asking God for me to go. She prayed, I went. I didn't know she was praying...I thought maybe she had Jedi mind powers. So ya, there's the worst salvation story ever - mine.
I'm honestly really jealous of people who have great salvation stories, but I think I'm not alone in having a lame one. At least I hope I'm not alone. But I know that sometimes it seems like everyone has an epic "moment" and I don't. Which brings us to reason two:
They don't call us fishers of men for nothing! When you think of epic, well-meaning, partially fabricated but overall for a good cause stories, what do you think of? I think of fishermen. Not like legit fishermen, but the weekend warriors who are constantly telling fishing stories. Fishermen don't stretch the truth to hurt anyone...they just want to share their "good news." Sound familiar?
And fishermen are like Christians in another way, in my experience. One fisherman (or one Christian) is usually more harmless than a group of them.
If fisherman A's fish was this big, fisherman B's fish was THIIIS big and he caught it without bait.
If Christian A felt God's presence speak within them, Christian B audibly heard God speaking. Maybe he saw God too or physically felt his touch. And they hung out for a while and played a game of billiards. And then Christian B prayed a prayer of forgiveness and his hair caught on fire and now it doesn't get so frizzy when it's humid out.
Of course I'm joking, but I think Christians put a lot of pressure into salvation stories. It's the "wedding day" of your relationship with God, if you will. It's a ceremonial marker, but it doesn't define the relationship. It just really doesn't. I Googled "Christian Salvation stories" to assure myself that I wasn't the only one with a lackluster story. Unfortunately, apparently I am. The Christianity page on about.com (that seems reputable, right?) has several salvation stories from Christians that seem unreal. Not unreal in the sense of awe-inspiring...Unreal in the sense that they aren't real. I shouldn't say that...I firmly believe that God connects with different people in different ways, so I won't doubt their stories. I just wonder how God picks who gets the miraculous recovery from a headshot salvation stories versus who gets stories like mine.
On to reason three: I'd rather hear about your trip than putting your key in the ignition. If I found out that you had road-tripped to California and asked you about it, you probably wouldn't spend 10 minutes discussing the preparation for the trip and getting in the car and then say, "And then we were in California!" But that's what a lot of people do with their salvation stories. "Then I found God... and here I am today!"
If you're a meth addict and pray a prayer of salvation OF COURSE the salvation is instant, but it's not like God straps a sweater vest on you and teleports you to the nearest PTA meeting. A deep faith relationship takes work. It's a journey, not a destination... Especially not an instant destination.
So there's why I don't want to hear your salvation story. I always love hearing about about people's faith journeys, but much less into the holy "Goodness, Grace, and Great Balls of Fire" salvation stories (See what I did there?). You don't want the best day of your marriage to be your wedding day, and you don't want your best day of your faith to be your salvation day. It's okay to reminisce, but keep pushing forward. Growth is the name of the game!
Sunday, December 11, 2011
The Odd Couple - The Marriage of a Planner and a Free-Spirit
Today's post is in honor of my husband, Nathaniel David Morrison. I often call him my butterfly in the wind. Sounds lovely, right? Except when I say that, I mean that he is without direction letting life hit him and change his path from one moment to the next. Oooh. Not so nice.
Don't get me wrong, Nate is the love of my life. I've been with him since I was 16, and can't imagine life with anyone else. But a girl can fantasize, right? A lot of girls fantasize about celebrities... I fantasize about my husband... exactly the way he is, but when I come home there's an envelope on the table with a note that says, "I clipped these coupons for you, based on your grocery list." Omg, swoon.
To be fair, I think a lot of people are in a Planner/Free-Spirit marriage. Nate and I just weigh quite heavily on our respective ends. I am the epitome of a planner, and he is the epitome of a free-spirit. If you wonder if you might be the victim of a Planner/Free-Spirit marriage, see if these questions and answers, typical of what Nate and I might answer, and see if you are a planner or free-spirit.
Q: How much is in your bank account right now?
Ali answer: $ XXX.XX... Unless the Cilco bill already came out today.
Nate answer: Ask Ali.
Q: What do you like to do for fun?
Ali answer: What do you mean by that?
Nate answer: Video games, golf, TV, movies, music, play guitar, hang out with friends...
Q: What is your greatest fear?
Ali answer: The uncertainty of the future.
Nate answer: Bears.
The Planner/Free-Spirit relationship isn't the easiest... Not at all. Nate and I went to Chicago for a weekend this past spring and we wouldn't let me make a trip itinerary, so we could be "laid-back." It was THE worst weekend of my life. And his too... but mostly because I made it that way. We paid too much for stuff... we couldn't get in to certain things that we wanted to do... and I spent about 15% of the trip crying in our hotel room. Poor guy tried.
While it isn't the easiest, I think it's one of the strongest relationships. He's good at all of the things I'm terrible at, and vice versa. We may be the odd couple... but we embrace it. We learn from each other and balance each other every day. Thanks to you, my butterfly in the wind!
Don't get me wrong, Nate is the love of my life. I've been with him since I was 16, and can't imagine life with anyone else. But a girl can fantasize, right? A lot of girls fantasize about celebrities... I fantasize about my husband... exactly the way he is, but when I come home there's an envelope on the table with a note that says, "I clipped these coupons for you, based on your grocery list." Omg, swoon.
To be fair, I think a lot of people are in a Planner/Free-Spirit marriage. Nate and I just weigh quite heavily on our respective ends. I am the epitome of a planner, and he is the epitome of a free-spirit. If you wonder if you might be the victim of a Planner/Free-Spirit marriage, see if these questions and answers, typical of what Nate and I might answer, and see if you are a planner or free-spirit.
Q: How much is in your bank account right now?
Ali answer: $ XXX.XX... Unless the Cilco bill already came out today.
Nate answer: Ask Ali.
Q: What do you like to do for fun?
Ali answer: What do you mean by that?
Nate answer: Video games, golf, TV, movies, music, play guitar, hang out with friends...
Q: What is your greatest fear?
Ali answer: The uncertainty of the future.
Nate answer: Bears.
The Planner/Free-Spirit relationship isn't the easiest... Not at all. Nate and I went to Chicago for a weekend this past spring and we wouldn't let me make a trip itinerary, so we could be "laid-back." It was THE worst weekend of my life. And his too... but mostly because I made it that way. We paid too much for stuff... we couldn't get in to certain things that we wanted to do... and I spent about 15% of the trip crying in our hotel room. Poor guy tried.
While it isn't the easiest, I think it's one of the strongest relationships. He's good at all of the things I'm terrible at, and vice versa. We may be the odd couple... but we embrace it. We learn from each other and balance each other every day. Thanks to you, my butterfly in the wind!
Monday, December 5, 2011
What's your Net Worth?
Warning: You might not like this post because it talks about uncomfortable things like sinning and finances.
Hello gang! Gosh, I haven't written in a while. So lately, I've been pretty fired up about finances. Yay budgets! But really, I'm pretty passionate about paying off debt right now. I also just read a couple articles on net worth. Net worth is something a lot of people have heard, but maybe aren't 100% sure what it means. Simply, it's your assets - your debts, or a way I like to look at it is, if I died tomorrow and Nate decided he wanted to forget I ever existed, sell everything we owned, pay everything off, and move to China, would he have enough to move to China. Actually, I don't like to look at it that way at all. But it's an illustration.
Nate and I are currently hanging in a balance between a positive and negative net worth. So if you have said, "Those two are good for nothing," you are, in fact, entirely correct. For having a whole bunch in student loans for Nate, a car payment, a mortgage, and being young and newly weds... I'll take it.
As I look at the budget Nate and I have been following, it sure feels like we should be millionaires by now. (< Cut me some slack, I'm part of Generation Entitlement...) About 46% of the money we make/take home after taxes goes towards paying off our debt... the Grand Prix loan and Nate's student loans. About 4% of the money we make/take home after taxes (though I wish it was more) goes to giving to our church or other charities. So we live on about half of our money. 50% of THAT 50% goes toward regularly monthly expenses, aka bills. My house payment, cell phones, internet, water, heat, electric, sewer, blah blah blah. So about 25% is left for groceries... and anything else not covered by a "bill." That includes non-monthly bills like my semi-annual car insurance and our wonderful state of Illinois's outrageous license sticker fees.
Sometimes I think we're geniuses, and other times I want to go buy a really nice Coach purse for myself. Or get a new car. Or a nicer house. I hope this blog entry doesn't sound braggy... because it definitely isn't. But I do get really fed up with people who say "If I only had more money..." right after posting a picture of their new laptop or other purchase.
I get real preachy real fast on this, so I'm going to sidetrack back to net worth. Net worth nearly always refers to money, but what if someone kept a score of your moral net worth? If they quantified the pain you had caused and measured it against how much joy you brought to people in your life. The good news is, when you accept Jesus as your savior, your eternal slate is wiped clean. But, for fear of being a total Debbie Downer, people close to you may be keeping their own copy of your ledger.
Ultimately, God's forgiveness is the only one that matters, and a million good deeds won't buy your way into heaven. But regardless of who you are, Christian or not, people are watching you.
What if someone subtracted 10 points from your net worth for gossiping... added 15 for helping a friend in need... subtracted 5 for lying... subtracted 10 for lying more... How would you measure up?
I truly believe that God wipes our slate clean each day, but we still need to work hard to create a positive moral net worth. Not because we can ever be good enough to pay God back... but because it's our job to make peace with both our debtors, and those who we owe. These debts are harder to pay back than any financial debts. I can set my mortgage payment to automatically come out every month, but I can't tell my self to reimburse exactly so much kindness on a certain date to a certain person. So whether it's money... or your spirituality and morality... create margin, give generously, and look toward the future benefits or consequences. Bye for now!
Hello gang! Gosh, I haven't written in a while. So lately, I've been pretty fired up about finances. Yay budgets! But really, I'm pretty passionate about paying off debt right now. I also just read a couple articles on net worth. Net worth is something a lot of people have heard, but maybe aren't 100% sure what it means. Simply, it's your assets - your debts, or a way I like to look at it is, if I died tomorrow and Nate decided he wanted to forget I ever existed, sell everything we owned, pay everything off, and move to China, would he have enough to move to China. Actually, I don't like to look at it that way at all. But it's an illustration.
Nate and I are currently hanging in a balance between a positive and negative net worth. So if you have said, "Those two are good for nothing," you are, in fact, entirely correct. For having a whole bunch in student loans for Nate, a car payment, a mortgage, and being young and newly weds... I'll take it.
As I look at the budget Nate and I have been following, it sure feels like we should be millionaires by now. (< Cut me some slack, I'm part of Generation Entitlement...) About 46% of the money we make/take home after taxes goes towards paying off our debt... the Grand Prix loan and Nate's student loans. About 4% of the money we make/take home after taxes (though I wish it was more) goes to giving to our church or other charities. So we live on about half of our money. 50% of THAT 50% goes toward regularly monthly expenses, aka bills. My house payment, cell phones, internet, water, heat, electric, sewer, blah blah blah. So about 25% is left for groceries... and anything else not covered by a "bill." That includes non-monthly bills like my semi-annual car insurance and our wonderful state of Illinois's outrageous license sticker fees.
Sometimes I think we're geniuses, and other times I want to go buy a really nice Coach purse for myself. Or get a new car. Or a nicer house. I hope this blog entry doesn't sound braggy... because it definitely isn't. But I do get really fed up with people who say "If I only had more money..." right after posting a picture of their new laptop or other purchase.
I get real preachy real fast on this, so I'm going to sidetrack back to net worth. Net worth nearly always refers to money, but what if someone kept a score of your moral net worth? If they quantified the pain you had caused and measured it against how much joy you brought to people in your life. The good news is, when you accept Jesus as your savior, your eternal slate is wiped clean. But, for fear of being a total Debbie Downer, people close to you may be keeping their own copy of your ledger.
Ultimately, God's forgiveness is the only one that matters, and a million good deeds won't buy your way into heaven. But regardless of who you are, Christian or not, people are watching you.
What if someone subtracted 10 points from your net worth for gossiping... added 15 for helping a friend in need... subtracted 5 for lying... subtracted 10 for lying more... How would you measure up?
I truly believe that God wipes our slate clean each day, but we still need to work hard to create a positive moral net worth. Not because we can ever be good enough to pay God back... but because it's our job to make peace with both our debtors, and those who we owe. These debts are harder to pay back than any financial debts. I can set my mortgage payment to automatically come out every month, but I can't tell my self to reimburse exactly so much kindness on a certain date to a certain person. So whether it's money... or your spirituality and morality... create margin, give generously, and look toward the future benefits or consequences. Bye for now!
Saturday, July 9, 2011
MacGyver Was A Poor Kid...
I know that I haven't blogged in quite a while, but I had to share this entry with everyone. Specifically because my mom has been hassling me to tell the story that it stems from. It all began on the 4th of July...
When Nate and I got home that evening, I went to use the bathroom. Much to my dismay, when I went to flush, nothing happened. No worries, I thought, this has happened before. Our toilet is pretty much a piece of junk, so I opened the tank to press the black lever down, which usually helps. When I pull the lid off the tank, I realize we have a much more serious problem. There is no water in our tank.
"Nate!" I yelled. When he came to the bathroom, I calmy and politely explained our quandry. That's not exactly true, but it makes me sound better, so we'll leave it.
"Ya, we might need to call a plumber..." Nate said, after toying for a minute. I nodded sadly.
"Wait..." Nate said, wheels turning. "I'll be right back!"
After a bit of rummaging, Nate emerged from the kitchen with an empty two-gallon Hawaiian Punch jug from the garbage. He set it in the tub.
"Temporary fix," he said, walking out.
At that moment, people, I was baffled. I'm a pretty smart girl...I got a 31 on my ACT, took classes like Calculus...but I had no idea how putting a Hawaiian Punch jug in our tub was going to remedy the fact that I had pooped in an unflushable toilet.
When Nate turned around and saw my confusion, he explained. "You fill the jug with water from the tub, then you dump it into the tank, and then you pull the chain to flush."
My husband is a genius. On top of that, he was a poor kid, so he has a skill set that rich people never learn.* I may have had formal instruction in Calculus, but he had Ghetto Engineering from the School of Hard Knocks.
I'm going to go back briefly to my statement marked with the star. I'm using the terms rich and poor in a very skewed sense. I love the website http://whoarethejoneses.org/ ...Please go there. For my purposes, poor means that you've paid in change at the gas pump, not that you're on the streets or starving.
Rich people offer suffer from a condition called Functional fixedness - An inability to perceive a new use for an object previously associated with some other purpose; adversely affects problem solving and creativity.
This isn't really a condition, but it is a psychological principle. In my Psychology of Learning class in college, our instructor gave us five minutes to write all the uses for a paperclip. No problem I thought. Hold...paper...together... I wrote slowly. I looked around. About half the class was in deep thought, tapping their pens, but the other half were still writing away. I admit that to my knowledge, they have not proved my hypothesis about the rich struggling more with functional fixedness, but it makes sense.
When I looked at the Hawaiian Punch jug, I saw a jug that had previously held Hawaiian Punch. When Nate looked at it, he saw the same thing I saw, but also a portable toilet tank and who knows what else.
In writing this, I thought of the sermon Jesus gives in Luke 6:20-26 -
20 Looking at his disciples, he said:
“Blessed are you who are poor,
for yours is the kingdom of God.
21 Blessed are you who hunger now,
for you will be satisfied.
Blessed are you who weep now,
for you will laugh.
22 Blessed are you when people hate you,
when they exclude you and insult you
and reject your name as evil,
because of the Son of Man.
23 “Rejoice in that day and leap for joy, because great is your reward in heaven. For that is how their ancestors treated the prophets.
24 “But woe to you who are rich,
for you have already received your comfort.
25 Woe to you who are well fed now,
for you will go hungry.
Woe to you who laugh now,
for you will mourn and weep.
26 Woe to you when everyone speaks well of you,
for that is how their ancestors treated the false prophets.
I read Luke 6:24 as "but woe to you who are rich, because you may never learn how to fix your own toilet."
This passage and my story does not necessarily have to mean poor in money. Many people are poor or struggling or going without in other areas of their life, as well. Going without or going through hardships makes you a better person. It gives you empathy for others and it gives you skills to utilize.
In case anyone was wondering, Nate fixed our toilet Monday after watching a YouTube video on plumbing. There ya go, folks. Embrace your struggles and come out the other side with new skills, new compassion and new abilities!
When Nate and I got home that evening, I went to use the bathroom. Much to my dismay, when I went to flush, nothing happened. No worries, I thought, this has happened before. Our toilet is pretty much a piece of junk, so I opened the tank to press the black lever down, which usually helps. When I pull the lid off the tank, I realize we have a much more serious problem. There is no water in our tank.
"Nate!" I yelled. When he came to the bathroom, I calmy and politely explained our quandry. That's not exactly true, but it makes me sound better, so we'll leave it.
"Ya, we might need to call a plumber..." Nate said, after toying for a minute. I nodded sadly.
"Wait..." Nate said, wheels turning. "I'll be right back!"
After a bit of rummaging, Nate emerged from the kitchen with an empty two-gallon Hawaiian Punch jug from the garbage. He set it in the tub.
"Temporary fix," he said, walking out.
At that moment, people, I was baffled. I'm a pretty smart girl...I got a 31 on my ACT, took classes like Calculus...but I had no idea how putting a Hawaiian Punch jug in our tub was going to remedy the fact that I had pooped in an unflushable toilet.
When Nate turned around and saw my confusion, he explained. "You fill the jug with water from the tub, then you dump it into the tank, and then you pull the chain to flush."
My husband is a genius. On top of that, he was a poor kid, so he has a skill set that rich people never learn.* I may have had formal instruction in Calculus, but he had Ghetto Engineering from the School of Hard Knocks.
I'm going to go back briefly to my statement marked with the star. I'm using the terms rich and poor in a very skewed sense. I love the website http://whoarethejoneses.org/ ...Please go there. For my purposes, poor means that you've paid in change at the gas pump, not that you're on the streets or starving.
Rich people offer suffer from a condition called Functional fixedness - An inability to perceive a new use for an object previously associated with some other purpose; adversely affects problem solving and creativity.
This isn't really a condition, but it is a psychological principle. In my Psychology of Learning class in college, our instructor gave us five minutes to write all the uses for a paperclip. No problem I thought. Hold...paper...together... I wrote slowly. I looked around. About half the class was in deep thought, tapping their pens, but the other half were still writing away. I admit that to my knowledge, they have not proved my hypothesis about the rich struggling more with functional fixedness, but it makes sense.
When I looked at the Hawaiian Punch jug, I saw a jug that had previously held Hawaiian Punch. When Nate looked at it, he saw the same thing I saw, but also a portable toilet tank and who knows what else.
In writing this, I thought of the sermon Jesus gives in Luke 6:20-26 -
20 Looking at his disciples, he said:
“Blessed are you who are poor,
for yours is the kingdom of God.
21 Blessed are you who hunger now,
for you will be satisfied.
Blessed are you who weep now,
for you will laugh.
22 Blessed are you when people hate you,
when they exclude you and insult you
and reject your name as evil,
because of the Son of Man.
23 “Rejoice in that day and leap for joy, because great is your reward in heaven. For that is how their ancestors treated the prophets.
24 “But woe to you who are rich,
for you have already received your comfort.
25 Woe to you who are well fed now,
for you will go hungry.
Woe to you who laugh now,
for you will mourn and weep.
26 Woe to you when everyone speaks well of you,
for that is how their ancestors treated the false prophets.
I read Luke 6:24 as "but woe to you who are rich, because you may never learn how to fix your own toilet."
This passage and my story does not necessarily have to mean poor in money. Many people are poor or struggling or going without in other areas of their life, as well. Going without or going through hardships makes you a better person. It gives you empathy for others and it gives you skills to utilize.
In case anyone was wondering, Nate fixed our toilet Monday after watching a YouTube video on plumbing. There ya go, folks. Embrace your struggles and come out the other side with new skills, new compassion and new abilities!
Thursday, May 19, 2011
The Trouble with the Reacher and Settler Proposition
What is the reacher and settler proposition, you ask? We will start our blog entry with a brief 22-second clip from the show "How I Met Your Mother." Because my first blog entry was well-received, I went ahead and added Chinese subtitles to the clip, as I anticipate soon gaining a global audience. That's not at all true. Now to the clip!
The premise of that particular episode is that in every relationship, there is a "reacher" and a "settler."
A "reacher" reaches out of their socioeconomic class, level of popularity or attractiveness, etc. to pursue someone who for all practical purposes is out of their league.
A "settler" settles for someone who might be perceived as "below" them in any of the areas previously listed.
While this premise is funny, and often true, there is a danger in the Reacher/Settler proposition, as seen by Marshall's reaction in How I Met Your Mother. No one wants to be the Reacher. Being the Reacher means that your better half is legitimately your BETTER half.
Since I was a psychology major and I'm currently working in communications, please allow me to refresh my psychology knowledge and enlighten you. Equity theory, in relationships, says that
"People are happiest in relationships where the give and take are about equal. If one person is getting too little from the relationship, then not only are they going to be unhappy with this—the person getting the lion’s share will also be feeling rather guilty about this imbalance. This is reinforced by strong social norms about fairness." Fairly common sense information about the danger of the Reacher/Settler proposition.
So how do we remedy this situation? According to my mom, "Of course there are perfect relationships where there is no reacher and no settler." No wonder my dad has nicknamed her Pollyanna. Sorry Mom...I don't think you're quite right on this one though. Let's cut to a discussion Nate and I had in the car a few days ago, about Reacher/Settler. After discussing the basic concept, I drop the bomb.
"So Nate...Are you the reacher or settler in our relationship?"
Nate proceeded to think deeply for a few seconds. He looked at me kind of funny and said, "I think I'm the reacher."
Now, dear blog readers, if you haven't had a chance to meet sweet Nate, this might be only mildly surprising to you. However, if you have ever talked to him or maybe attended our wedding where part of my dad's toast was "what can I say about Nate...that he hasn't already said about himself...", you would know that Nate has excellent self-esteem and would never be "down" on himself.
As I thought, I cautiously told him, "I think you are the reacher...on paper...But...I really feel like the reacher when it comes to the important and deep issues. I have never felt like I 'settled' for you."
So there you have it, folks. Not even a year of marriage under our belts, and we are figuring out life's big questions together. In all seriousness, I think the most successful relationships are ones where both parties feel like the Reacher. Not in a sad, please-don't-leave-me-I'm-a-pathetic-reacher type way, but in a way where both parties feel truly blessed to be united as a couple and can't shake the honeymoon phase "aren't I so lucky?!" feeling.
An anecdote based on an Indian proverb was published in Reader's Digest about a prince who paid a huge dowry of eight cows for a so-so bride. She was actually offered at a lower price, but he demanded to give her father the higher price of eight cows for her. When her father visited a year later, she was a completely different person, with a new radiance and zest for life. Why? Because she was an eight-cow wife. Her husband acted as the "reacher" even though many saw him as the "settler."
So, to recap, we covered a bit of pop culture, psychology, and Indian proverbs. That's what you get from a blogger with a liberal arts education!
Stayed tuned for my next blog entry: Great Expectations!
The premise of that particular episode is that in every relationship, there is a "reacher" and a "settler."
A "reacher" reaches out of their socioeconomic class, level of popularity or attractiveness, etc. to pursue someone who for all practical purposes is out of their league.
A "settler" settles for someone who might be perceived as "below" them in any of the areas previously listed.
While this premise is funny, and often true, there is a danger in the Reacher/Settler proposition, as seen by Marshall's reaction in How I Met Your Mother. No one wants to be the Reacher. Being the Reacher means that your better half is legitimately your BETTER half.
Since I was a psychology major and I'm currently working in communications, please allow me to refresh my psychology knowledge and enlighten you. Equity theory, in relationships, says that
"People are happiest in relationships where the give and take are about equal. If one person is getting too little from the relationship, then not only are they going to be unhappy with this—the person getting the lion’s share will also be feeling rather guilty about this imbalance. This is reinforced by strong social norms about fairness." Fairly common sense information about the danger of the Reacher/Settler proposition.
So how do we remedy this situation? According to my mom, "Of course there are perfect relationships where there is no reacher and no settler." No wonder my dad has nicknamed her Pollyanna. Sorry Mom...I don't think you're quite right on this one though. Let's cut to a discussion Nate and I had in the car a few days ago, about Reacher/Settler. After discussing the basic concept, I drop the bomb.
"So Nate...Are you the reacher or settler in our relationship?"
Nate proceeded to think deeply for a few seconds. He looked at me kind of funny and said, "I think I'm the reacher."
Now, dear blog readers, if you haven't had a chance to meet sweet Nate, this might be only mildly surprising to you. However, if you have ever talked to him or maybe attended our wedding where part of my dad's toast was "what can I say about Nate...that he hasn't already said about himself...", you would know that Nate has excellent self-esteem and would never be "down" on himself.
As I thought, I cautiously told him, "I think you are the reacher...on paper...But...I really feel like the reacher when it comes to the important and deep issues. I have never felt like I 'settled' for you."
So there you have it, folks. Not even a year of marriage under our belts, and we are figuring out life's big questions together. In all seriousness, I think the most successful relationships are ones where both parties feel like the Reacher. Not in a sad, please-don't-leave-me-I'm-a-pathetic-reacher type way, but in a way where both parties feel truly blessed to be united as a couple and can't shake the honeymoon phase "aren't I so lucky?!" feeling.
An anecdote based on an Indian proverb was published in Reader's Digest about a prince who paid a huge dowry of eight cows for a so-so bride. She was actually offered at a lower price, but he demanded to give her father the higher price of eight cows for her. When her father visited a year later, she was a completely different person, with a new radiance and zest for life. Why? Because she was an eight-cow wife. Her husband acted as the "reacher" even though many saw him as the "settler."
So, to recap, we covered a bit of pop culture, psychology, and Indian proverbs. That's what you get from a blogger with a liberal arts education!
Stayed tuned for my next blog entry: Great Expectations!
Monday, May 16, 2011
Coming out of the closet...
As many of you know, I am Ali Morrison. I married Nate Morrison on July 17, 2010 and we are currently nearing the completion of year one of living happily ever after.
The idea for the Proverbs 31 Rockstar blog came to me about three weeks ago, when I came out of the closet to my mom....as a non-ironer. I think she was as supportive as a mother can be...you know...when their oldest daughter lays it all out there. She didn't utter offensive phrases like, "we didn't raise you like this!" or "where did I go wrong?"...She didn't even cite the long line of ironing woman in both sides of my family. My mom was amazing and supportive as always.
Don't get me wrong, I own an iron. Heck, it even made the trek from my parents house to Nate and I's home after I received it as a wedding shower gift from my good friend, Pam. Why did she get me an iron? Anyone else might say, "well, Pam is a little bit crazy and a lot bit neat and tidy," but I know the truth: it was on my wedding registry - I had asked for it. That's right people, I asked for that iron! I planned to wield that scalding chunk of metal on a handle like Thor wields his hammer...A sign of my epic level of wife-and-woman-ness. My sad iron is now sitting in the top of a closet in my house...still in the box...
Let me go back a few years, to my high school days, when ironing was just a distant vision. My mom and I were listening to her favorite radio station, WCIC, during a car ride when I heard the always perky Lysa TerKeurst's voice on the radio for Proverbs 31 Ministries.
"Mom?" I asked. "Why is it called Proverbs 31 ministries? Like...what is Proverbs 31 about?"
My mother explained to me that Proverbs 31 is about being a Godly woman and wife. Some time later, I read Proverbs 31. It was a good read, but it didn't rock my world or anything. When I got my driver's license, which led to tune into good ol' family friendly WCIC more often, Lysa TerKeurst and her never-motley crew would discuss being a Proverbs 31 woman, wife, and mother on a nearly daily basis.
Now, this next part is fairly inexplicable and a bit embarrassing, but I hear that it's fairly common for women. I thought, upon marrying Nate, that I would want to clean things and cook for him and produce his babies in mass quantities. It isn't the first time that I have been bamboozled in such a way. I remember on the morning of my 4th birthday, the first one where I really "got it," running to the mirror and being shocked at my appearance. Why was I not taller? Why didn't I look older?
So, upon marrying Nate, I began to "fake it." I kept a pretty clean house. I made really awful dinners on a budget on a regular basis (the worst was probably the chicken tortilla pie recipe that I made with ground beef). I encouraged Nate to stick it out at his job, because even though he was miserable, it was a man's job to provide. This period of "faking it" was definitely the worst part of our first year of marriage - for both of us.
Finally, I had no other option but to revisit Proverbs 31 and regroup. And what I found blew me away. Even though I had read it in the past, my "mental note" of it made me think that it would read, "Do whatever your husband wants. After all he is your husband. So stop whining about him leaving his dirty clothes out, and go make him a sandwich. And put some make-up on before you do that...You look homeless." I braced myself for that, but what I found was pure beauty and empowerment.
Proverbs 31 tells about an ideal wife, but it's not what a lot of people assume! I urge you, if you haven't, read Proverbs 31. It's all about being strong and graceful...providing for your family in the best way that you can. It is full of inspiration, but not full of rules on how to make a family work. If someday I want to work and Nate wants to stay home with our kids, that's okay...Proverbs 31 will allow it.
So moving forward, I have created this blog. Because even if Lysa TerKeurst and clan want nothing to do with me...I am a Proverbs 31 Rockstar...In process.
The idea for the Proverbs 31 Rockstar blog came to me about three weeks ago, when I came out of the closet to my mom....as a non-ironer. I think she was as supportive as a mother can be...you know...when their oldest daughter lays it all out there. She didn't utter offensive phrases like, "we didn't raise you like this!" or "where did I go wrong?"...She didn't even cite the long line of ironing woman in both sides of my family. My mom was amazing and supportive as always.
Don't get me wrong, I own an iron. Heck, it even made the trek from my parents house to Nate and I's home after I received it as a wedding shower gift from my good friend, Pam. Why did she get me an iron? Anyone else might say, "well, Pam is a little bit crazy and a lot bit neat and tidy," but I know the truth: it was on my wedding registry - I had asked for it. That's right people, I asked for that iron! I planned to wield that scalding chunk of metal on a handle like Thor wields his hammer...A sign of my epic level of wife-and-woman-ness. My sad iron is now sitting in the top of a closet in my house...still in the box...
Let me go back a few years, to my high school days, when ironing was just a distant vision. My mom and I were listening to her favorite radio station, WCIC, during a car ride when I heard the always perky Lysa TerKeurst's voice on the radio for Proverbs 31 Ministries.
"Mom?" I asked. "Why is it called Proverbs 31 ministries? Like...what is Proverbs 31 about?"
My mother explained to me that Proverbs 31 is about being a Godly woman and wife. Some time later, I read Proverbs 31. It was a good read, but it didn't rock my world or anything. When I got my driver's license, which led to tune into good ol' family friendly WCIC more often, Lysa TerKeurst and her never-motley crew would discuss being a Proverbs 31 woman, wife, and mother on a nearly daily basis.
Now, this next part is fairly inexplicable and a bit embarrassing, but I hear that it's fairly common for women. I thought, upon marrying Nate, that I would want to clean things and cook for him and produce his babies in mass quantities. It isn't the first time that I have been bamboozled in such a way. I remember on the morning of my 4th birthday, the first one where I really "got it," running to the mirror and being shocked at my appearance. Why was I not taller? Why didn't I look older?
So, upon marrying Nate, I began to "fake it." I kept a pretty clean house. I made really awful dinners on a budget on a regular basis (the worst was probably the chicken tortilla pie recipe that I made with ground beef). I encouraged Nate to stick it out at his job, because even though he was miserable, it was a man's job to provide. This period of "faking it" was definitely the worst part of our first year of marriage - for both of us.
Finally, I had no other option but to revisit Proverbs 31 and regroup. And what I found blew me away. Even though I had read it in the past, my "mental note" of it made me think that it would read, "Do whatever your husband wants. After all he is your husband. So stop whining about him leaving his dirty clothes out, and go make him a sandwich. And put some make-up on before you do that...You look homeless." I braced myself for that, but what I found was pure beauty and empowerment.
Proverbs 31 tells about an ideal wife, but it's not what a lot of people assume! I urge you, if you haven't, read Proverbs 31. It's all about being strong and graceful...providing for your family in the best way that you can. It is full of inspiration, but not full of rules on how to make a family work. If someday I want to work and Nate wants to stay home with our kids, that's okay...Proverbs 31 will allow it.
So moving forward, I have created this blog. Because even if Lysa TerKeurst and clan want nothing to do with me...I am a Proverbs 31 Rockstar...In process.
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