“Is he yours?”

 “Then the King will say to those on his right, ‘Come, you who are blessed by my Father, inherit the Kingdom prepared for you from the creation of the world. For I was hungry, and you fed me. I was thirsty, and you gave me a drink. I was a stranger, and you invited me into your home. I was naked, and you gave me clothing. I was sick, and you cared for me. I was in prison, and you visited me.’

 “Then these righteous ones will reply, ‘Lord, when did we ever see you hungry and feed you? Or thirsty and give you something to drink? Or a stranger and show you hospitality? Or naked and give you clothing? When did we ever see you sick or in prison and visit you?’

 “And the King will say, ‘I tell you the truth, when you did it to one of the least of these my brothers and sisters, you were doing it to me!’

Matthew 25:34-40

“Oooh!” A woman at the store cooed, spotting the tiny baby wrapped close to my chest. “Is he yours?”

What was such a simple question that I took for granted with my daughters is the million dollar question this time around.

Knowing she probably isn’t looking for a novel, I just smile and say, “Yes, we’re taking care of him right now.”

What I want to say is more complicated…

 

Do you mean am I the one who wakes up at 3am with him when he’s hungry, holding him close my chest and breathing in deeply the smell of his hair? The one who packs the diaper bags when we go out, to make sure he has formula and clean diapers? The one who wonders if he’s napping, as I walk between meetings during the day? The one who lives court date to court date, praying for reunification with his biological parents and pondering the heartache it will bring it in the same breath? If so, then yes, he’s mine.

But maybe you mean the woman who spent nine months growing him, feeling him kick inside her, wondering what the future held for him at each prenatal appointment. The one whose feet swelled and back ached. The one who went home to an empty cribbed that she had expected to lay her baby in. The one who prays for him from a distance and cherishes the few hours a week she gets with him. If so, that’s not me.

Or maybe you mean the caseworker, who’s up at night feeling the weight of the decisions she has to make. The one who only sees him every other week, but has to make a call on his future, based on a few documents, files and observations. The one who has foster children of her own and is thinking “What would I do if he was my baby?” If so, that’s not me.

Perhaps though, Matthew 25 is very clear on this muddy issue. While our tendency is to build walls around what is ours, maybe that defies everything that’s been asked of us to be fully human. Perhaps none of them were ours to begin with… or maybe they all were.

The second night we had our foster placement, I told Nate, “I’m not sure how much I’m supposed to love him.”

Met with a strange look from him, I doubled down saying, “You know… like… do I love him like he’s my son… or…”

Nate in his simplistic wisdom said, “I think you just love him.”

So that’s my stand. When he’s hungry, I feed him. When he’s naked, I give him clothing. When he was a stranger, I left work in the middle of a meeting to rush to the hospital and invite him into my home. And it’s easy to see Christ in his innocence, like in Matthew 25.

But I felt God say so clearly to me two weeks ago, you don’t just foster for the children – you foster for their parents. Because the parents are my beloved children… and so they are yours too.

So yes, he’s mine. And he’s his sweet birth mama’s. And he’s his caseworker’s. And he’s yours, since I know many of you have been praying for him and offering meals and clothes and help.

But most of all, he’s Jesus’s. And we’ll love him deeply, hold him loosely, and trust God with his tomorrow

A gift unopened

552 days. That's how long it has been since I wrote my last blog.

Shortly after we opened our Christmas gifts last month, I made a resolution that I would blog weekly, but before the countdown to January 1 reached zero, I declared that resolution canceled. I couldn't do it. If people ask why I haven't blogged, I say it's because I'm busy. Finally I told someone last week that I couldn't blog because I've had nothing to say - unsure whether it was God humbling my spirit or the enemy attacking a joyful past time, I've felt entirely unable, unworthy and unequipped to write and share my thoughts.

But something shifted this week. Through a number of simple, everyday minor mishaps and pitfalls, I came to the crushing realization that I can never earn or be worthy of God's love.

Okay, that's not entirely fair. That concept is a fairly main tenant of the faith I've professed for the past 12 years and that my husband is a pastor of, so I've course I had mentally realized that. I would correctly mark "true" on a true or false exam. But I've never actually emotionally accepted it.

Somewhere deep, deep down in the very pit of my being, everything I did was still with the aim of being good enough, and I lived in fear of the grace offered so freely.

I'm not a good gift receiver. You can ask almost anyone who loves me. A couple of years ago, my parents got me the most beautiful Michael Kors wool coat for Christmas. Instead of proclaiming my joyful thanks and trying it on, I thanked them weakly... and then cried. Like, a lot. I thought about starving children and people with no coats at all and what a crappy kid I was to my parents when I was a teenager, and 300 other reasons that I didn't deserve that gift. And I hid it in the back of my closet.

In a lot of ways, that's been my experience with God's grace. It's been a gift left unopened. I've put it in the fire extinguisher case, behind glass that says, "Break only in case of emergency." Really appreciate that it's there God, but I'll try to just get through without it when I can.

Most of who I am... the person I identify as... is based on my efforts. I am an achievement junkie, control freak and perfectionist.

How hard I've worked... What I've fought to overcome...What I'm able to provide in my relationships, church or community... that is how I find my worth.

Even my college majors were due to me being hard headed. I chose English because my junior English teacher called my final writing project "uninspired and lacking substance" and told me that "she bet I was surprised" that I got a 34 in English on my ACT. (Frankly I always preferred the STEM fields.) I chose Psychology because in some strange way, it represented a mastery to me of my mental illness. I was an expert in my own undoing, which gave me some semblance of control.

I began working (albeit serving hot dogs from a giant ice cream cone) when I was 14. I actually had to have my guidance counselor sign a work permit for them to be able to legally employ me. But I wanted a job more than anything. I wanted to finally be able to EARN my way.

I measure the success of my relationships by what I can contribute to them... and I assume that others do too. When Nate tells me to relax... take a break... I interpret it as some kind of trick. How will he know I'm a good wife, if I can't show that I've cleaned the house and folded the laundry and sent an encouraging text message and brought home a good paycheck? How will I know I'm a good mom if I haven't read the kids three books each and made sure they can recite the alphabet and count to twenty?

Even my spiritual journey has been some sort of weird holy checklist of obeying God's calling, while simultaneously working upstream against my crippling perfectionism. I told Nate frustratedly a few weeks ago, "I feel like I'm not doing anything for the Kingdom!"

Where is my worth, if I can't measure it?

Last night Blakely asked me a question that I can't stop thinking about. The girls always treat the 28 minute drive to Pekin in my car without a radio like it's the greatest torture known to man, so we sometimes play a game where we ask each other random questions. After asking about favorite foods, favorite colors, and more, Blakely asked me, "Mom... What would you do if you were a Princess?"

"Um, what?" I laughed.

But I can't stop thinking about it. If I truly believe that God is King... why don't I act like a princess? Why do I live out of scarcity and my own efforts? Why do I reject the Kingdom for my own fear of being unworthy without some checklist to "prove my worth"?

This is the part of the blog where I'd usually wrap up my thoughts with a nice bow, maybe a platitude or two. But I can't today. Honestly, I couldn't for the last 552 days. I couldn't write in my blog because God is untying and unraveling all of my bows. But maybe it's His way of telling me to just open up the gift already.

Act(s)in' a Fool: Daniel Fast Day One

Each day of the 14 day Daniel fast, Nate and I will be reading two chapters in Acts. I’m going to write a little bit about what three things stood out to me most and post it the following day.

Day 1: Acts 1 & 2

The disciples didn’t know WHAT they were getting or WHEN they were getting the Holy Spirit

Once when he was eating with them, he commanded them, “Do not leave Jerusalem until the Father sends you the gift he promised, as I told you before. John baptized with water, but in just a few days you will be baptized with the Holy Spirit.”

So when the apostles were with Jesus, they kept asking him, “Lord, has the time come for you to free Israel and restore our kingdom?”

He replied, “The Father alone has the authority to set those dates and times, and they are not for you to know.  But you will receive power when the Holy Spirit comes upon you. And you will be my witnesses, telling people about me everywhere—in Jerusalem, throughout Judea, in Samaria, and to the ends of the earth.”

When Jesus told his disciples about their gift of the Holy Spirit, they got it all wrong. Even though Jesus clearly says that they will be baptized with the Holy Spirit, as soon as they hear “gift,” they’ve tuned out! How many times have I done that? I think I know exactly how God needs to bless me. The disciples ask if their power and stature will be restored. They’re thinking on a much smaller scale than what God can and will provide them.

They also ask if the time is now. Today our culture is even more wrapped up in the NOW and getting instant gratification. I probably would have been the disciple shouting time lines out to Jesus as he floated up on His cloud. “Are we talking Days? Months? Years?”

Turnt up on God

They were completely amazed. “How can this be?” they exclaimed. “These people are all from Galilee, and yet we hear them speaking in our own native languages! Here we are—Parthians, Medes, Elamites, people from Mesopotamia, Judea, Cappadocia, Pontus, the province of Asia, Phrygia, Pamphylia, Egypt, and the areas of Libya around Cyrene, visitors from Rome (both Jews and converts to Judaism), Cretans, and Arabs. And we all hear these people speaking in our own languages about the wonderful things God has done!” They stood there amazed and perplexed. “What can this mean?” they asked each other.

But others in the crowd ridiculed them, saying, “They’re just drunk, that’s all!”

I am by nature a cynic and a skeptic. For a long time in my Christian journey, I thought “Okay, this Jesus thing is great… But let’s not get carried away.”

Honestly, I often looked to the people who were “sold out for Jesus,” with pity. Giving up your job? Moving your family? What are you – drunk? Well, I think it’s safe to say at this point our family has pretty much all our chips in. There’s probably at least a few people who might accuse us of being drunk or foolish with the way we try to live our lives for God – and I hope there are! My prayer is that our lives make people question us… and try to find answers in God.

They grew daily, without marketing or social media

All the believers devoted themselves to the apostles’ teaching, and to fellowship, and to sharing in meals (including the Lord’s Supper), and to prayer.

A deep sense of awe came over them all, and the apostles performed many miraculous signs and wonders. And all the believers met together in one place and shared everything they had. They sold their property and possessions and shared the money with those in need. They worshiped together at the Temple each day, met in homes for the Lord’s Supper, and shared their meals with great joy and generosity - all the while praising God and enjoying the goodwill of all the people. And each day the Lord added to their fellowship those who were being saved.

Man, what an awesome community! I hope and pray that anywhere we go and anything we do, we develop this type of body. But what strikes me most about this passage is how their numbers grew.

Today we have connectivity like never before – at least in theory. Our churches can have websites, social media reach, commercials on TV and radio – but statistically, churches are stagnant. The early church had no crutches to “advertise” Jesus. They created a community that people wanted to be a part of. I imagine that people heard of and experienced their love for others, even before they experienced their love for Christ. These people were truly living the two greatest commandments of loving Christ and each other.

Those are my three biggest thoughts and takeaways from Acts 1 & 2!

Jonah's Performance Review

So next week, I’ll have an interim performance review at work. It’s the mid-year check-in to make sure you’re on track to deliver on your goals. Here’s my sick secret – I kind of love performance reviews. I love them, because I tend to be a bit of a workaholic and perfectionist. For six months, I work and work and work – sacrificing, learning, stretching myself – and then for 30 minutes or so, I get to bask in someone telling me how great I’ve done. And then even if there’s some things to work on, I know in six months, if I work hard enough, we’ll be talking about what great strides I’ve made in those areas. What used to be called “teacher’s pet” is now referred to as “upward potential.” It’s Junior High Academics awards day, only 15 years later.

I know this sounds pretty ugly, and it is. Some kind of weird pride and insecurity hybrid drives my desire to do more and do better every day. And while this has actually been somewhat beneficial in my professional and even personal life, it has been the single greatest struggle of my spiritual life.

Let me tell you about my least favorite performance reviews ever.

In college, I worked at Bath & Body Work in the mall. It was a good experience, in the sense that everyone should work a job where people regularly scream at you because someone 16 levels higher in the organization than you determined that Sun-ripened raspberry needed to be discontinued.

Honestly though, I really liked that job. I didn’t just clock in and clock out – I got to know the products really well. I greeted regular customers by name. I LOVED the sales competitions. And of course, the performance reviews every six months.

The highest raise I could earn for my performance was $0.25/hour, if I got really strong reviews. Additionally, when I worked there, Illinois was in the process of their graduated approach to raising the minimum wage - $0.25 every six months.

Every six months, I would think, “Yes! Great performance! $0.25 raise!” And then you know what would happen? Two weeks later, every person with poor performance who didn’t get a raise would have their pay bumped $0.25 to the new minimum wage level.

And of course, I was the bigger person, glad that we all made a livable wage. Just kidding. I actually cried once in my car on the way home because I was so frustrated. I worked so hard. Melissa sucks at talking to customers and her shelves are never neat and I worked her 4 a.m. shift on Black Friday. And now we are recognized exactly the same.

Embarrassing? Sure. Ugly? Oh yeah. But the implications are much greater and uglier when these tendencies seep into our spiritual lives. It looks a lot like post-whale Jonah.

Blakely is learning about Jonah right now in the church nursery, but mostly the part where a big fish swallows him and then he’s like, “My bad!” and then he gets spit out and does God’s will. But I am always much more fascinated about Jonah post preaching in Nineveh. I’ve read Jonah’s story probably 15 times in the last year. Why? Because I have Jonah tendencies that I’m trying to let God kill. Jonah was a top performer. Jonah saved thousands of MESSY people. And then you what happened?

He went and cried in his car. Melissa sucks at being a nice and Godly person and if it weren’t for me, she wouldn’t even know who God is. And now we are recognized exactly the same.

Grace wrecks all of the artificial structures and ladders and hierarchies that our society builds. Grace says, “Just follow me” and mentions nothing of your failures – or your good works. Grace is the anti-performance review.

I don’t have a neat “moral to this story.” I can’t quite wrap this up in a bow at this point. Why? Because I still struggle. Because when I imagine God saying, “Well done good and faithful servant,” I’m only now beginning to see Him holding my face in his hands and not some sort of spiritual resume. Because The Parable of the Workers in the Vineyard (Matthew 20:1-16) still unsettles me a bit at first read. Could I see my greatest worldly enemy in heaven someday and rejoice that they’ve accepted the same gift of grace given to us all?

God has brought me far in this journey of grace, and I still have a great deal to submit… Add that to my performance review goals. ;-)

Recalculating Route...

What do you think of when people say "God has a plan for your life"? Or reference being on "God's path"?

For a long time, I looked at my Christian journey as a specific path - point A to point B, with a specific direction or route. I think a lot of people get hung up on this vision as well.

This vision is the reason that people say they'll come to church or start praying "when they get right with God" or "when they figure some things out." This image of God's path is dangerous, because when you find yourself in the middle of the woods or the desert, you have to first find your way back to the marked path.

There have been several things in my life that have challenged this way of perceiving God's plan and path. When Nate and I invested in our calling to the church plant in Bloomington, at the end we whispered, "Was that what was supposed to happen? Was this the plan?" I struggled because there was growth for many, but pain for many as well. Was that a costly lesson that was part of a point A to point B journey? Did God call us to be a part of a church that was always intended to close its doors in less than a year?

I began to look at God's path differently when I was driving in Bloomington a couple of months ago. I had to go up there to get Emmarie's birth certificate from the McLean County Clerk, so I entered the unfamiliar address in my phone GPS.

As I entered town, I realized that I needed to go to CEFCU to get cash to pay for the certified copy, so as Siri directed, "Turn right on Washington St." I kept going.

"Recalculating route." Siri announced.

"Turn right on Empire St." I continued down Veterans.

"Recalculating route." Siri announced.

This continued to happen as I made my way to the bank, in the opposite direction of Siri's path.

As I mused at how Siri's path was always relative to exactly where I was at that moment, God's "path" suddenly made a lot more sense to me. God's path isn't some golden A to B route, where if you stray, you must find your way back... God is ALWAYS recalculating your route. His directions are from where you are at this very moment.

It doesn't matter how many wrong turns you've made. It doesn't matter how many directions you've missed or intentionally ignored. At every missed opportunity and broken moment, God says, "Recalculating route... You are still loved... You are still on my path." Your path is not a matter of wrong decisions, where you're at, or how far you've headed in the opposite direction - it's a matter of taking the next direction.

Where is God calling you right now?

Hear me - What the Baltimore riots, Blakely's "questions" and my job in communications taught me about the importance of being heard

Today I had to cascade an “Action Required” communication. The action was simple. It would take employees maybe 10 minutes.

There was a newsletter article. A separate article for leaders. Talking points to include for the leaders. A digital screen sign. A flyer. A targeted email.

And I know that in two weeks, I’ll be calling people who swear they’ve heard nothing about this and want me to send it all to them again.

Short of setting a memo on fire and throwing it onto their desk, it often feels like we’ve exhausted every option for getting information out to people. You know what the trouble is? All of the noise.

Yesterday Blakely kept yelling, “Excuse me! Excuse me!” over the top of Nate and my conversation, so I turned to her and said, “What, Blakely?”

She paused for a split second and then said emphatically, “I have a question.”

“Okay.”

She paused a bit more, and then launched into an explanation of something.

“That’s not a question,” I told her, mid-explanation. She immediately wailed. I sat there for a moment, thinking about how often this is happening lately. For some reason, I was unreasonably irritated that my 2.5 year old, who knows the proper use of “can” and “may,” says that she has questions, even though she knows they’re not questions. As I dug deeper into why she keeps doing this, I thought about when I say “I have a question” to her.

Usually when I say, “I have a question,” I am preparing her to answer. “I have a question” really means, “Listen closely.” Take time… slow down… hear me.

When Blakely says, “I have a question,” she’s really saying, “Please hear me.”

“Riot is the language of the unheard,” Martin Luther King Jr. said.

Whether it’s the riots in Baltimore, my toddler’s tantrums, politics, a teen’s recklessness, so often the plea is simply, “Hear me.” We don't all say 'hear me' well... The desperation to be heard can often drive ugly means of saying 'hear me' - violence, hatred, yelling, crude or cruel "humor"...

But as I clearly understand from my 10 communication vehicles apparently needed to drive home one point, we live in a world of noise. Lots of voices… lots of competing messages… Why? Because when we hear “hear me,” our response as a society is most often “NO, HEAR ME.”

If we are busy… if we don’t like you (or your kind)… if we think you should say ‘hear me’ in another way… If we *think* we’ve already heard your message… We communicate that you are not worth being heard.

I struggle with depression regularly, and I hate sharing about it, even with the person who is closest in the world to me – my husband. Why? Because the fear of saying, “Hear me” and hearing a response of “NO, HEAR ME” is greater than the fear of never attempting to be heard.

Early in our marriage, when I talked through negative emotions I was experiencing, Nate helped by jumping in with alternative perspectives… thoughts to “dismiss” the negativity… fixes… suggestions. But even when he was saying, “I CAN HELP!”… It sounded a lot like, “NO, HEAR ME.”

The last conversation we had about this, I spoke openly. I finished my thoughts. He hugged me tight and said, “I’m so sorry. Please let me know if I can help.” It sounded a lot like, “I hear you.”

We, as a society, don’t hear each other enough. When someone says, “It’s a struggle to be a young black man in this community,” and the response is “Do you understand the risks and sacrifices police officers make?” (Feel free to switch the order)… We’ve missed an opportunity to hear. We expect to be heard, without expecting to listen.

I have often struggled with this even in my prayer life. How many times have I been yelling “NO, HEAR ME” over what God was really trying to speak into my life?

Don’t get me wrong – you have a valuable message. But so does the person that you’re yelling over.

I used to post a lot of stuff on social media that frankly, I shouldn’t have. Now when I scroll through Facebook and see political rants, propaganda, “Christian truth” that looks a lot like hate, I cringe. Because this is what I know it says:

“NO, HEAR ME!”

How can we, as a society, especially if you a Christian… turn our current practices on their head? Can we say, “I hear you.” Perhaps even, “Tell me more.”

At the end of the day, maybe nothing will be solved. You’ll still think the answer is A, and I’ll still think the answer is B. But I have a Blakely-style “question” for you…

“Maybe that doesn’t matter, because we’ll all be at peace that we’ve been heard.” ;-)

What are you anticipating?

I want to share a few blogs on some of the questions that I prayed through over the past month as part of my Facebook fast. I hope you’ll join me in praying through these questions in your life as well!

The first question I prayed through is What are you anticipating?

Some things are really easy (and exciting!) to anticipate eagerly. I know right now I’m eagerly anticipating Christmas. I KNOW Christmas will be amazing with my family. That’s something I experience year after year, and I always look forward to celebrating. For me though, anticipating is a struggle. I’m very grounded in my expectations, and I often temper them to avoid disappointment. Nate and I are polar opposites in this way! I really struggle, because I’ve conditioned myself “not to get my hopes up.”

Right now we are in the advent season, which is about anticipating the celebration of Christ’s birth, but also the anticipation of Christ coming back some day. That’s worth getting your hopes up for!

As I look back over my life, there were absolutely moments where I thought “well, this is a terrible, pointless experience.” Not true! Almost all of those moments I can look back to as a moment that God used in a big way. Not getting my “dream job” completely changed our family’s trajectory – for the better. If you would have told me that four years ago when I was sobbing and begging Nate to just let me go work at Taco Bell because I’d never amount to anything professionally (yeah, that really happened), I would have laughed in your face. I actually remember saying the words, “Nothing good will ever come out of this!” I know imagine that moment with God saying after that, “Challenge accepted!” 

As I’ve grown in my faith, I have gotten better at eagerly anticipating God’s work in my heart and in my circumstances, but it’s still a big area of growth for me.

The picture below is one of my favorite pictures, ever taken. I know that probably seems ridiculous, but I’ll explain why. This picture was taken during the hardest month of my life. Right after Emmarie was born, it felt like everything I knew was being ripped from my hands with job changes, house changes, church changes, and more. And my instinct in that moment was to clench my fists and hold as tightly to everything that I could. To mourn losses. To permanently attach chips to my shoulder.

But as we put the For Sale sign up, we thought back to when we bought the house (only a year and half earlier), and I had excitedly posed with the “Sold!” sign. I don’t remember if I suggested it or Nate did, but we agreed we needed the same type of picture as we closed a chapter. I walked up to the sign, and Blakely followed. As Nate got ready to take the picture, he said, “GET EXCITED!”

And we did.

What if in the middle of all of our broken moments, we took a picture? Maybe not literally, but just paused in the moment to soak it in… and to eagerly anticipate how God will work through this, in our lives and the lives of others. A snapshot to say “look at where I was and look where God has brought me.” What if instead of crying and filling out Taco Bell applications, we pause and say,

“God, I know you’re with me in this. I anticipate that you’ll use ALL of my experiences – the good, the bad, and the ugly – to bring glory to You, if I allow it.”

So as you and I pray through what we are anticipating and looking ahead towards, I have to quote Nate:

“GET EXCITED!”

Character Development: The problem with straight lines

Liz, one of my best friends, is the complete opposite of me. She’s the type of person who loves an adventure, has never met a stranger, and had seven different colored dresses for her bridesmaids. I hide from people I know in the grocery store, and everything in my wedding was black and white. Liz and I met through competitive cheerleading and I immediately loved her and her craziness. We became fast friends and hung out all the time.

One of the less memorable times hanging out with her (which isn’t hard – she once unknowingly convinced me to go with her to a haunted house with two complete strangers!), she offered to give me a shortcut back to her house. I was a relatively new driver and was unfamiliar with Peoria, so I agreed.

“Just tell me where to go!” I said.

As we wound back through neighborhoods and seemed to backtrack, I finally looked at her and said, “Liz, you realize that this isn’t shorter than the way I usually go, right?”

She said, “Oh, I know. I just like to go this way.”

We had a quick review of the meaning of “shortcut” as I emphasized that the shortest distance between two points is a straight line.

 

Fast forward to this morning. As I pulled out of my driveway this morning, I flashed to this moment happening before… pulling out of this very driveway, going to a job at Caterpillar, and wearing this same sweater… four years ago. (I should probably at least buy a new sweater.)

A lot has happened in the past four years – a calling to ministry, three new jobs for me, two babies, buying a house, selling a house, a new church, an old church…

But this morning it felt like life had taken me in a circle. Like I was back towards the start of my adult life, circa four years ago. It bothered me for a moment, until I reminded myself that God is in the business of being effective, not efficient. And the Ali pulling out of my driveway this morning, though wearing the same sweater (seriously, why do I still own this sweater?), is not the Ali that pulled out of this driveway four years ago.

I’ll always love connecting dots with straight lines, because I’m me. In college I took a several literature classes, and I still remember a piece of assigned reading that I dragged myself through. When the professor asked me why I disliked it so much, I noted the large sections of the book with no plot advancement.

“Don’t you see?” She said incredulously, “That was where the character development was happening!”

Ah. The character development.

I think as humans, we have an innate tendency to demand plot advancement from God – the new job, the new calling, the new focus, the new location. We like linear – preferably upward trending. We imagine ourselves on the day we meet God with a line graph and a pointer, showing how well we progressed through this life (that’s only me? Okay).

The problem with straight lines, though, is that they are one dimensional. They don’t account for the character development. Every moment I have lived has led me to where I am today. God spares no expense when it comes to character development – he’s not in the straight line business. God’s paths (not to be confused with ‘shortcuts’, Liz) are purposeful and perfect. They give us experience today that we will need tomorrow.

So my reminder for today is focus on the PURPOSE, the PLAN, and the PERSON.

Don’t get hung up on the PATH, the PRESENT, or the PLOT.

What your ministry is not

I’ve learned a lot over the past few months – baptism by fire, if you will. Nate and I were talking yesterday again about all the insane changes we’ve been through (church, job, baby, move) and what we’ve learned. We talked about things like conflict resolution, taking nothing for granted, and other areas that we’ve grown in. I know for me though, the biggest lesson that I’ve learned is what your ministry is not.

Your ministry is not your lineage

I’ve met a lot of pastors who are “in the family business,” which is great. That’s a huge testament to their family’s legacy. But one of the things that I love about Nate’s story is how NOT even close to pastors his parents were, haha.

 People who break the cycle of hurt and dysfunction are a huge testament to God’s plan for and power in our lives when we surrender!

 Your ministry is not your church

This one was hard for me to accept for a long time. Nate and I invested so, so much into Innovate. It was a church where we invited friends and acquaintances that would never go to other churches – and they felt welcome there. We gave financially far beyond a usual 10% tithe. We spent hours and hours and hours helping, preparing, praying, serving. And many others did too.

But Innovate doesn’t exist anymore. And surprisingly, we haven’t stopped praying for our friends and hanging out with them and talking about God. We haven’t stopped giving of time and money. And God hasn’t stopped showing up in big ways. Being back at Bridgeway is an adjustment, to be totally honest. But I have no doubt that’s where God has us to be right now, among some of the most amazing Christians I’ve ever met.

Just tonight, Nate went to the driving range with an acquaintance and ended up talking to a total stranger when he over heard Nate talking about his faith. Nate left with his phone number because my husband is just blessed/weird like that. God loves the church, but the church and God are not the same thing. And neither are the church and your ministry.

Your ministry is not your position

Neither Nate nor I have ever had a title related to how we serve God. I did once jokingly nominate myself for the role of APGSD – Associate Pastor of Getting S*** Done – but my husband told me that’s actually offensive and not a real position, so I go back to never having a title.

 Real leaders don’t rely on titles to influence. I could go back to my Psych undergrad roots and talk French and Raven’s pyramid of influence, but I’ll just say this – some of the greatest ministry done is grass roots. If you see a need – MEET IT! Don’t wait until you’re a board member or a pastor or a volunteer director. If God’s called you to do it, then take action!

Your ministry, very simply, is your life.

Your everyday life is your ministry. The way you treat the cashier at Walmart. Your response when your child has drawn all over the walls. The choice you make when you have the option to write someone off or to accept their mess. The way you treat your spouse when the warm fuzzy butterflies aren’t there.

That’s your ministry. And every Christian has a ministry. It is your responsibility and your right as a follower of Christ. Now go – minister on!

Doing it with Joy

One of my biggest strengths in this life is my persistence and sense of accountability. Other than social events (which I’m working on), I am pretty rock steady to be counted on for most things. Related to that, one of my greatest weaknesses is doing things with joy. To be honest, there have been many occasions where I’ve resented being the “go-to” person and have frankly taken joy in letting others know basically how much they were asking of me and how inconvenienced I was by their requests or situations.

The same thing has happened in my faith life as I’ve frequently answered callings with, “I’ll do it, but I don’t have to like it.”

When things started to unravel with a church situation and it became clear that Nate and I would have to bear most of the burden, my prayer was not for God to fix everything or even for Him to give me strength – it was simply, “God, help me do this with joy.”

I wasn’t sure how well I was doing with the joy situation, but long story short, someone COMPLETELY misinterpreted what they thought was happening because… wait for it… we seemed so happy about what was going on. Yes, me. The person whose blood boils when Taco Bell forgets the Fire sauce. The person who huffs when someone inconveniences me.

So this is what I’m challenging myself (and you) to do…

Whatever you do, do it with joy.

Come with joy. (February 2013)

Leave with joy. (June 2014)

Nothing will be purely joy, and it’s up to you to make a conscious decision to approach everything as an honor and blessing. If you can’t give, serve, and praise with joy – you need to re-evaluate what you’re doing and how you’re doing it.

“Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds” James 1:2

It's the end of the world as we know it...

As I checked out with my dad’s birthday gift at Bergner’s yesterday, Emmarie on my front, the diaper bag slung on my back, a middle aged woman came up and said, “Aw, how old is she?” When I responded that she’d be two weeks today, the woman chimed in, “And you’re already out of the house!”

I smiled and said, “Yes” because, “Lady, you have no idea” seemed a bit strong for the situation.

In the last month, I’ve celebrated the second Easter service of Innovate Church, worked past my due date, delivered a baby with no drugs, made life changing decisions while wearing those ridiculous giant mesh underwear that the hospital gives you when you have a baby, lost our lead pastor family, and closed a church that has been an insane chunk of our time, money, prayers, and tears over the last two years.

The world I’ve known is gone.

But I feel oddly at peace with everything.

Because along with those changes, these changes also happened –
• Nate and I are praying like never before
• Nate and I appreciate each other like never before
• Nate and I love people like never before – Ok, fine, that one is just me. Nate always loves people.
• Nate and I feel more confirmed than ever that God will call us to plant a church someday, though we’re not sure when or where
• I’ve seen Nate step up in ways that I couldn’t have imagined even a few months ago

And here’s what hasn’t changed:
• God

I asked Nate, “If you knew our church would fail, would you still be a part of it?”
He shook his head and said, “Our church didn’t fail. It closed. Innovate saw 27 people accept Jesus as their savior… 15 baptized… That’s no failure.”

There are going to be hard adjustments, but God already has the road set in front of us, even though we can’t see it.

So in the words of R.E.M., it’s the end of the world as we know it, and I feel fine.

Thank you to everyone who has reached out to us, loved us, and supported us. God has truly blessed us.

Why Long-Time Christians Need to Stop Treating their Church like their Gym: A Parable

So Nate and I joined a gym. Don’t get too excited. Nate went once last week, then we all got sick and… well, maybe this week will be better. Anyway, it took a LONG TIME for us to join a gym here. It’s kind of a big commitment. There’s the money, the time you’re going to devote, wondering if you’re picking the right one… There are lots of factors.

It kind of made me think that maybe picking a gym is kind of like picking a church, in a way. But then, as I thought about it more, I realized that either a.) that’s a bad analogy or b.) that is a good analogy and it shouldn’t be. I offer up a parable:

You decide that maybe it’s time for a life change, so you start thinking about joining a gym. Maybe you visit one or a few or lots. You’re really serious about this, so you even meet the owners.

One gym clearly stands out. The owner is EXCITED about fitness and tells you that his gym exists for people that don’t even know the workouts their missing out on yet. He says he wants to do everything to help people start new health routines, even if they’ve failed before or never even gone to the gym before. You’re super excited, because THAT IS YOU! You immediately sign up.

Things are going great. There are trainers that help you, you love the equipment that is available, and you sign up for a bunch of classes that look fun. After a few months of loving your gym, making awesome gains to your personal fitness, and really feeling like it’s home, some troubling things start happening.

First, you show up one day and there is a sign that Jazzercise has been replaced with Zumba. You notice the gym owner walking by, so you innocently ask, “Why aren’t we going to have Jazzercise anymore? That’s my favorite class.”

To your annoyance, he doesn’t even hide his excitement. “Did you know that 25% more people will be willing to come improve their physical wellness if we offer Zumba!?”

That’s not the only problem though. You’ve noticed that your fellow gym goers are getting more and more… well… fat. They don’t look like gym goers, and sure, you were a little pudgy when you started, but surely these new people are not the face of what your gym wants to be. You bring this up with the gym owner, as delicately as possible.

A little wearily, the owner acknowledges your concern, and suggests maybe you could help with some new member classes that teach some nutrition facts and quick tips for starting a work out routine, now that you’re really getting in the groove of your own workouts. You decline though, of course, because you’re extremely busy, and with the new people it’s becoming harder and harder to find the trainers at the gym. You’re not sure if there are actually fewer, or if they’re just always busy with new people.

One day you walk in, and the usual radio station isn’t playing. It’s a new station. And you hate it. Fed up, you try to find the gym owner. But he’s nowhere. You even call his cell phone, but he’s not available. Unsure where he is and frustrated by your unmet needs, you cancel your membership… and leave.

Now, let’s change a few words around:

You decide that maybe it’s time for a life change, so you start thinking about joining a church. Maybe you visit one or a few or lots. You’re really serious about this, so you even meet the pastors.

One church clearly stands out. The owner is EXCITED about faith and tells you that his church exists for people that don’t even know the relationship with God their missing out on yet. He says he wants to do everything to help people start new relationships with Christ, even if they’ve failed before or never even gone to church before. You’re super excited, because THAT IS YOU! You immediately sign up.

Things are going great. There are pastors and volunteers that help you, you love the Sunday service that is available, and you sign up for a bunch of classes that look fun. After a few months of loving your church, making awesome gains to your spiritual life, and really feeling like it’s home, some troubling things start happening.

First, you show up one day and there is a sign that your life group has been replaced with a different life group topic. You notice the pastor walking by, so you innocently ask, “Why aren’t we going to have my current life group anymore? That’s my favorite class.”

To your annoyance, he doesn’t even hide his excitement. “Did you know that 25% more people will be willing to come learn about Jesus if we offer this new group!?”

That’s not the only problem though. You’ve noticed that your fellow gym goers are getting more and more… well… questionable. They don’t look like church goers, and sure, you were living a life with some sin issues when you started, but surely these new people are not the face of what your church wants to be. You bring this up with the pastor, as delicately as possible.

A little wearily, the pastor acknowledges your concern, and suggests maybe you could help with some new member classes that teach some Biblical basics and quick tips for starting a life in Christ, now that you’re really getting in the groove of your own spiritual growth. You decline though, of course, because you’re extremely busy, and with the new people it’s becoming harder and harder to find the volunteers and leaders at the church to help you. You’re not sure if there are actually fewer, or if they’re just always busy with new people.

One day you walk in, and the usual worship music isn’t playing. It’s a new band. And you hate it. Fed up, you try to find the pastor. But he’s nowhere. You even call his cell phone, but he’s not available. Unsure where he is and frustrated by your unmet needs, you cancel your membership… and leave.

So, I’m a little worried that this is a good analogy. But, there are several important reasons why it shouldn’t be… why it CAN’T be.

1.) Babies get fed, adults feed themselves.

Before you get defensive, I 100% own this as my biggest spiritual problem. And I’m improving now, but only because s*** got real for me several times (pardon my French). I mean, I’ve been ANGRY at different points over the last few years, because sometimes being involved in a church isn’t easy. I was spoiled by a loooong, slooooow journey to where I am now, with a TON of AMAZING Christians to help me, drag me, feed me, and basically do 70% of my Christian duties for me.

So then when I found myself serving more than I was being served, giving more than I was being given, praying more for others than I was being prayed for… It seemed like perhaps I was being cosmically cheated in some form. As the long-time pew-sitters like to say, “I’m not being fed.” That phrase needs to die in a deep, dark hole.

Can you imagine if Nate and I went to a restaurant with Blakely and halfway through the meal I just started sobbing and said, “I’ve spent this whole meal helping Blakely eat, and making sure she’s taken care of, but there’s no one to feed me!”

Uh, that would be pretty messed up. We are adults. We feed ourselves. And if we go hungry, we have to own that too. The bright side of feeding little ones? Or new Christians? They learn quickly. They start helping feed too.

2.) Church “membership” is a phrase we should outlaw

When you become really involved with a church, many churches have a “membership process,” that might involved a study or a written agreement or something else. But I hate the word membership. Because it brings us right back to the gym scenario.

Membership = privileges. Being deeply involved in a church or any organization that helps bring people closer to God is definitely a privilege, but not the kind where you get to pull “members only” rank.

Organizations with members typically exist to serve their members, and that should not and cannot be the purpose of any church.
3.) What about the people who need Zumba?

Referencing the gym example, what about the people who need Zumba? Why should the long-time Jazzercisers preferences trump what could result in a new fitness/faith journey for someone else?

The church exists for people who aren’t there yet. People who don’t know Jesus… need Jesus. As Barney Stinson from HIMYM would say, “New is always better.” Really though. If we put our preferences above the needs of people who don’t know Jesus, then we can’t call ourselves Christians. And that’s harsh, but it’s the fact.

So quit your gym if it’s not meeting your needs. But think twice before quitting your church for the same reasons.

You Gotta Eat - Extreme Couponing!

I'm very excited to have a guest blogger today! I won't lie - I'm not a devoted coupon-er. I've tried it a few times and ended up spending several hours in the grocery store trying to figure out what I'm doing wrong. So I'm super excited to have a coupon pro (and his awesome mom) to talk about couponing tips today - my second cousin (I think... the counting and "removal" of naming cousins escapes me a bit) Elliot and his mom, Kammy! As I've read through these, there are definitely some tips that I'm putting into place for our family this week.

Kammy is a way cooler blogger than me, so if you get a chance, check out Reflections from the Red Couch for her hilarious and thought-provoking views on life, autism (two of her three children are on the spectrum), and occasionally alcohol and controlled substances. ;-)

Elliot is a man of few words (which I can appreciate), so included with his awesome tips are commentary from Kammy in italics.

FYI – Elliott is a terrific guy who has an amazing memory for numbers & directions, never forgets a birthday, runs 10K races & has autism.  While autism makes some things challenging in his life, it also has provided him with some wonderful strengths that we do our best to encourage. When he struggled with leisure skills, we found that coupon matching was something he loved, and so he started to coupon for our family.When he is able to collect items through couponing above and beyond what we need, he is able to gift them to some local shelters, and thus has learned to help our community in his own way. He’s inspired all of us – as I don’t think I had ever used a coupon in my life until Elliott shared his knowledge with me!

My name is Elliott. I am an extreme couponer and I’m thirteen 13. I will try to help you learn how to use coupons and not get ripped off at paying the regular price.

Getting Coupons: I get coupons from the newspaper inserts and I get coupons online. I get most of my coupons from inserts and online.

Our biggest sources are inserts from the Sunday newspaper and on-line coupons that we print.  We have 2 major newspapers in the Twin Cities, and have found coupons for a 1-year-subscription for $2 for one and $4 for the other.  This way we usually get 3 sets of inserts each week for minimal cost.

Storing: I store my coupons in a binder in my office. I have four tabs in my coupon binder. They are FOOD, BEVERAGES, HOUSEHOLD, AND PERSONAL CARE. I keep my inserts in neat piles by date.

We have a ridiculous purple binder that we keep our coupons in. Elliott maintains it (with help), and if it is embarrassing to take to the store, just remove the coupons you think you will use and leave the beast at home.  That said, we have no shame, and have been able to switch gears by having the binder with us when a store is out of something, etc.  We got one like this, except that ours has crazy red and yellow stripes in addition to the purple.  Our binder has 4 tabs:  Food, Beverages, Household Supplies & Personal Care.  You can have many more tabs if that’s your deal – but we aim for ease so these work for us.

Additionally, we don’t cut coupons out of the newspaper inserts (again, this is a time saving measure).  We just keep them stacked in piles by date (usually about 3 months) and only cut them out when we need them.  Elliott does cut them.

Use Websites: Websites do the coupon matching for you to save time. I use COUPONMOM.COM, AND POCKET YOUR DOLLARS. I USE THOSE THE MOST.

This is key for us – as our lifestyle does not permit a great deal of time each week for these tasks.  We use websites that do all the matching of deals for us by store.  One of the best national websites is www.couponmom.com – you can look up stores based on your geographic area, click on the store, and it lists the deals by % savings so you know the best deals each week.  Additionally, it lists links to on-line coupons you may need and/or lists which coupon insert needed in order to get the best deal.  You can just check the items you need, print a list, gather the coupons you need, and head to the store.  Likely, you will have regional/local sites that may be even better.  We have www.pocketyourdollars.com – which is fabulous, but geared towards the Midwest.

Last, this is something that may work for some people and may irritate others.  We have signed up for a number of daily emails that compile the best bargains of the day (or week).  These may be grocery related, or often list huge deals on Amazon or let you know when Target puts items on clearance, etc.  Frankly, many days, we just delete them due to lack of time, so we don’t feel overwhelmed by them.  But, if Elliott or I have time to look through them, we have been able to take advantage of some great deals.  Here are our favorites – if any interest you, just visit their website and subscribe for email reminders.  If getting emails drives you nuts, don’t do it!  Most have Facebook pages as well (Elliott does not have FB yet, but I have “liked” some of these pages).

For The Mommas: http://forthemommas.com/

Couponing for 4:  http://www.couponingfor4.net/

Couponers United:  http://www.couponersunited.com/

Couponing to Disney:  http://www.couponingtodisney.com/

Addicted to Saving:  http://www.addictedtosaving.com/

I hope that helped you learn how to coupon. If you have questions for me I can be reached at my email address ElliottTKramer@hotmail.com My goal is to save fifty percent or more on the receipt.
___________________________

Did you read that last line?! Elliot helps his family save FIFTY PERCENT... HALF... on their purchases!

Honestly, almost all of this, especially the websites that will do coupon-matching, is new to me! I will admit that I can be lazy-level frugal, but Kammy's hints and tips make me confident that most of these are things that I can put into place for our weekly grocery trips!

2014 'Do More With Less' Money Challenge #2:

Use at least two of Elliot's Extreme Coupon-er tips to save at the grocery store this week!

You Gotta Eat - Making a Meal Plan

The first 2014 'Do More With Less' Money Challenge topic is pretty dear to my heart. I LOVE food. And it's practical because, well, you'll probably never eliminate food from your budget or your life. I will be the first person to admit that food is almost always the area we go over our budget, when we do.

"Hey, do you want to go through the DQ drive-thru?" Hell to the yes I do. Always. So I've tried to learn a lot of tricks and tips to help keep the food budget under control.
Today we are going to talk about two ideas:

1. Eat at home more often. I'm not actually sure that there's much I can follow that up with. Eating out will almost always be more expensive and/or worse for you (health wise) than making something at home.

2. Make a meal plan and grocery list for every shopping trip. Don't worry, this point will be a little bit more robust than point one.

Have you ever gone grocery shopping without a list? How has that worked out for you. Because if I walk in to a grocery store without a list and plan, I usually leave with several boxes of TGI Friday's potato skins  or jalapeño poppers and some Ghiradelli chocolate. And then I have to come back the next day with a list and actually get legitimate food. Or, even if I'm in a very responsible mood and without a list, I get random meat cuts, too much bread, and random produce that spoils before I can figure out how to use it. Creating a meal plan and then a grocery list based on that plan is one of the easiest ways to avoid that, and I've found it to be more "bang for my buck" than coupon-cutting, deal-seeking, etc. (though I will talk about those too, later this month!)

Here is a real life example of my husband going to the store with a "general idea" of what we needed:

What WAS needed:                                       What was NOT needed, but still purchased:

                       

Meal planning is something that's very unique for each family, based on their preferences and dietary restrictions. I will share some tricks and tips (and an example) below, but I'd love to hear other ideas or advice from any of you reading!

I like to plan meals a week at a time. This was a process of trial and error. I've done everything from a week to a month at a time, and a week just works better for me. I have a Costco membership, but even buying a month of groceries from there didn't amount to much savings. Plus I'm trying to do more fresh produce, and by week four of a month-long grocery trip, you're basically eating cereal and boxed pasta.

Here is our usual process:
1. Start the meal plan with something with the most worthy and simple leftovers. 
For example, this past week, Nate made a beef roast, and we had potatoes, frozen green beans, and cinnamon baked apples. After we were done with our roast, Nate cut the remaining roast into thin strips. We used that for beef stir-fry and beef stroganoff later in the week. They were just how I like my leftovers - well disguised. Next week we plan to do something similar, with a turkey breast, making turkey noodle casserole and turkey club sandwiches.

2. Make sure you have one or two no-brainers on there.
Inevitably, one or two days this week you'll have a "maybe we should just order Chinese" kind of day. Like maybe your toddler dunks your make-up brush in the toilet. This is all hypothetical of course. But on those days you'll push through that if you can say "Ah. Spaghetti. I can do that." instead of looking at a meal plan that calls for you to make beef wellington.

3. Use recipes that have similar ingredients.
Don't pick recipes that all use a different kind of meat - you'll end up wasting meat, or trying to figure out how to redeem yourself next week with the freezer full of randomness you have. Also, I avoid recipes with bizarre or obscure ingredients or spices. If you're not sure if you like curry powder, don't pick one recipe that uses a teaspoon of it and then buy a giant curry powder container that will sit in your pantry forever.

4. Find a few meal plans that work well for you and rotate them.
I keep a file of meal plans and grocery lists on my computer. Once you put the work into a meal plan and grocery list once, it's there forever for you to reuse. I also print the week's meal plan and put it on the refrigerator. If you're real Pinterest-y crafty-like you could probably make some kind of neat decorative chalkboard. But again, I just print mine off on computer paper, and it works just fine.

5. Start with just dinners and see what works best for you.
We usually meal plan just dinners and maybe a few lunches. Some people prefer to plan everything, but for us, it makes more sense just to do dinners. Then we can pick breakfasts and lunches based on what's easy, what's on sale, or what coupons we have. It may be a box of cereal, carton of eggs, and a bag of apples for a week of breakfasts, or something else.

Once your meal plan is done, start your grocery list. I usually copy and paste all of the recipes I plan to use into a word document and then combine like items... so if multiple recipes call for onions, I take it down to just one onion line item. Then I have a pretty standard list of items that we either need or might need weekly from the store - milk, toilet paper, juice, etc. I go through that list and add any items that are applicable. Lastly, I keep a running list on our whiteboard in the kitchen of items to be added to the weekly grocery list, as I realize we need them - Ziploc bags, dish soap, etc.

We can throw in coupons, ad hunting, etc. later, but this is the basic premise of meal planning! I have included an example of a meal plan and grocery list below. Feel free to use it or tweak it however you want!

Meal Plan:

• Beef roast, mashed potatoes, green beans, salad
• Tomato and basil pesto pizza, salad
• Use this recipe for the crust (makes enough for both crusts - use half of all of the other ingredients purchased for the pizza). Add a layer of pesto as sauce, and thinly sliced tomatoes, drained mushrooms and slices of fresh mozzarella and garlic herb cheese. Top with shredded mozzarella as needed. Bake at 450 for about 12 minutes
• Beef stir-fry
• Use the leftover beef in this recipe! Start a pot of rice to serve with. Nate and I like our roast relatively rare-ish, so I start by cooking the leftover beef strips a little more in soy sauce, garlic salt, and a little bit of sriracha and peanut butter! I add the frozen veggie and let it all simmer together a little bit longer. So easy!
• Spaghetti, salad
• Tacos, chips and salsa
• Beef stroganoff, green beans
• Use the rest of the leftover beef in this! Heat up the beef strips, a can of cream of mushroom soup, a can of mushrooms (drained) and a package of cream cheese on the stove top. Make a package of egg noodles to serve it with.
• Tomato and basil pesto pizza

Shopping list:

• Medium beef roast (whatever cut you prefer) 
• Potatoes
• 1 bag frozen green beans 
• 1 bag salad mix
• 1 bottle salad dressing
• 1 container (4) Roma tomatoes
• 1 jar pesto: 
• 1 bag of flour
• 1 jar of yeast
• 1 bottle olive oil
• 3 cans of mushrooms
• 1 block fresh mozzarella cheese
• 1 block garlic herb goat cheese
• 1 bag shredded mozzarella cheese
• 1 bag frozen stir-fry veggies
• Rice
• Peanut butter
• Soy sauce
• Garlic salt
• Spaghetti sauce
• Noodles
• 2 lbs. ground beef
• 1 packet taco seasoning
• Salsa
• Tortillas
• Sour cream (optional)
• Cream of mushroom soup
• 1 bag of egg noodles
• 1 block of cream cheese

Nate and I used this for our meal plan, and including some extras for breakfasts and lunches, it cost us just over $100.

Do you have a go-to meal plan? Do you think going to the grocery store with a list can really make a difference?

2014 'Do More With Less' Money Challenge #1: 
Make a meal plan and grocery list before you go to the grocery store next time!